Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace Paperback – October 18, 2014

I was fine for many years, with a slight flare-up of Retroactive Jealousy now and then. Recently I was reflecting, and out of nowhere, Retroactive Jealousy struck me. I got the Kindle book and read it in two hours. There is nothing new or cutting-edge in the book. Still, Zachary Stockill does an excellent job of piecing together a variety of theories, information, and examples that will help you overcome Retroactive Jealousy. I read the book, immediately implemented some of his ideas, and saw some results. What I like about the book, it gives me an understanding of some of the issues, the causes, and solutions.For example, I dealt with Retroactive Jealousy regularly while I lived in the same town as my wife’s ex-boyfriend, and when we moved, there was a significant improvement. Zach’s discussion of triggers provided some excellent insight into why this was the case, and I could look back and see what the actual triggers were. Plus, now I can avoid triggers. Although the example of the field and clouds seems simple, I have used this as a reminder to move on and not entertain the thoughts of your partner and her past partners. It is all about controlling your thoughts and emotions and not going down the rabbit hole that will destroy you and your relationship. It is not the curse but the power you give the curse that influences your life. I told my wife I was reading the book, and she was quite pleased. I shared some of what I was doing with her, and now she can hold me accountable. If you are experiencing Retroactive Jealousy, take the time and do the work Zach suggests. I am currently working on the letters he offers writing. This is very therapeutic. On a side note, forgiveness was my key over the years.

I was skeptical of both the subject matter and the book itself, but purchased it anyway out of desperation. My angst was just getting to be too much and I knew I had to do something (and if you've tried getting into therapy post-COVID, you know what an effort in futility that is). This book was a game changer for me. The frankness, the relatable anecdotes...it really was a "OMG, other people are like me? Dear god I'm so sorry" kind of moment for me. I did the exercises. I wrote the letters. I got to the last chapter and wasn't ready, so I walked away for a bit. And then I came back to it and realized...it had all worked. I'm not cured, but dammit if I'm not better. Acknowledge your pain, accept that the work needs to be done, and read the damn book. You won't be sorry.

After a bit of research and realizing I have been suffering from RJ, I decided to read this book. I was desperate to heal; the thoughts of my partner's previous sexual encounters would play like a full length movie in my head. It would create anxiety and mental exhaustion and I wanted to get rid of it. From the moment I started reading this book I couldn't put it down and I finished it within a week, which for me, is fast reading. I recognize that I'm not completely healed but within this short amount of time, I'm able to control my thoughts and emotions much better than I was just a short while ago. I recognize I still have much work laying ahead and I may have bad moments but I highly recommend this book as the beginning step for self-heal and to get rid of RJ.

I bought this book after finally discovering the debilitating and fear-inducing thoughts I was having concerning my wife are actually symptoms of a real condition. I had previously thought I was just a selfish, jealous jerk. I wondered why I had suddenly become so worried about my wife's old high school boyfriends after 18 happy years of marriage to the love of my life. Upon discovering and reading this book, it was comforting to know there are many others in the world who suffer from the same thing and that there was a way out.I read through the book very quickly and did all the exercises as directed. The severity of my thoughts and images did start to fade a bit, but I knew I needed stronger medicine. I also wanted a better understanding to what was going on in my brain and why. I then discovered a book called "Brain Lock: Free Yourself From Obsessive Compulsive Behavior."Retroactive Jealousy is actually a form of OCD. Painful thoughts of your loved one with another keep repeatedly jumping involuntarily into your brain right? Analyzing time and place and why and who questions becomes an obsession, right? These thoughts and images are false alarms generated by a misfiring brain. I bought Brain Lock and put the self directed treatment into practice immediately. Just a few weeks later, I am in control of my thoughts and the anxiety they induce. These thoughts still wander into my mind from time to time, but now I know they are not based on reality and can dismiss them without any argument and minimal emotional reaction. The strength and clarity of the thoughts have also diminished to mere whispers.In short, Stockill's book was a great first step for me (and I would buy it again), but I really started to put away the demons with the self guided treatment found in Brain Lock. If you buy both and work hard, you will beat this thing for good and silence the false voices of warning that continuously shout inside your head.I offer you my sincerest wishes of good luck. You can beat this. Just have faith in yourself, your loved one and work hard!