The Wild Oats Project: One Woman's Midlife Quest for Passion at Any Cost Paperback – April 5, 2016

Rinaldi's story, while an interesting read I finished in a couple hours, has been experienced by countless middle-aged men and women. Her feelings and experiences aren't as special as she imagines them. While most men and women will not launch into a sexual all-you-can-eat in the way in which she did, it's entirely commonplace to feel unhappy in marriage, to feel unfulfilled in life, to feel sexually frustrated by our mates at different stages of life. Nothing in life is perfect, and this includes our mates and our marriages.I'm a 40 year-old woman whose own 21-year marriage has taught me things about myself, life and marriage in general. The central thing I've learned is that none of us are perfect. And none of us can meet every single need our spouses have, without fail. For me there is grace in allowing my husband to be human - to fail. I don't require that he be all things and do all things perfectly. He cannot fill all voids. His failures don't give me license to cheat, to allow myself to become embittered or poisoned with self pity. Was Scott selfish? Yes. But predictably, as water seeks its own level, so, too, is Robin.I don't dislike Robin. She's simply immature and self-involved to a degree I hope to never be. I wonder how much time Robin spent pondering whether she was meeting every single need and desire her husband had? Was she the perfect wife? Was she physically resplendent? Did her body defy aging such that she remained the perfect object of desire for her husband? Was she blessed with a system of ethics, morality, principles and integrity that make men proud? Was she intellectually challenging? Did she engage her husband in heated debate or long discussion(s) about an array of thought-provoking subjects? Was she the perfect cook? Keep her home beautifully clean and organized? Did she nurture her husband unfailingly? Was she sexually adventuresome and ravenous? Was she filthy in the way most men [secretly] long their wives to be? Did she initiate sex spontaneously in various locations? Did she change positions? Enjoy quickies? Initiate nights of prolonged lovemaking? Did she keep herself perfectly groomed and come to bed boldly naked or beautifully adorned? Was she tireless? Emotionally rock solid? A good human being not prone to resentments and poisonous acts of revenge? No. Robin failed in every one of these areas, like most of us do.I cringed as I finished Rinadli's book, much the way I cringe any time I see someone I love making a mistake. Isn't it tragic how easily we can see the mistakes others are making, but we're so blind to our own (chuckles)? Rinaldi made a mistake. To trade in a loving, loyal, cerebral, hard-working, adventuresome, giving man - one without substance abuse problems, children with other women, one who isn't a financial train wreck, has a solid work ethic, isn't emotionally or physically abusive, one who respects their relationship enough to remain faithful, a man with whom you've shared many long years of your life's journey because he could not give you one thing you felt entitled to is pitiable. Her new mate will fail her as well, and likely in more egregious ways. And if she feels compelled to trade in men when they fail her in very real, substantial ways, she'll be trading in her mates for what remains of her life. And she'd better hope the men in her life don't hold her to such standards, else she find herself traded in as well.There is wisdom in understanding life's tradeoffs. Everything in life requires compromise: getting your degree, buying your dream home, becoming parents, and yes…marriage. There is grace in knowing what things we MUST have in order to live, and in being flexible with our lives and our loves when our lives and our spouses seem to fail us at different times and to differing degrees.Haven't most of us over age 30 seen 40-something "sexually unfulfilled" men leave their wives for a woman with whom they find hotter sex? We all know the folly in this, as it is inevitable that sex with the mistress WILL lose its spark, too, if given enough time. If Robin Rinaldi were 45 year-old Robert Rinaldi, complaining about sex with his wife, and feeling entitled to sleep around because of his wife's character or bedroom failures - would his story be well-received?Robin is laboring under the delusion that to indulge your impulses or to prioritize the pursuit of sexual thrill above all else makes her a daring woman. She's wrong. As any who have chosen to love one person for decades of their lives will no doubt attest: it requires true daring in the bold, fearless and undaunted definition of the word to remain steadfast at your partner's side, unmoved. I'm reminded of Shakespeare's Sonnet 116:Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,Or bends with the remover to remove.O no! it is an ever-fixed markThat looks on tempests and is never shaken;It is the star to every wand'ring bark,Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeksWithin his bending sickle's compass come;Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,But bears it out even to the edge of doom.If this be error and upon me prov'd,I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.At some point in the future I imagine Robin will have regrets. She could be any one of us. Let's try to learn from watching her live these [tragic] mistakes on paper so that we can save ourselves a similar pitiable mistake. In twenty-one years, I've felt disappointed by my husband in several different areas of our marriage. Strangely, when I forgive or think on my own character flaws and failings in my marriage instead of dwelling on his, I soon discover something absolutely wonderful he is or has done for me in short order. My husband will never be perfect. And that's OK, because I won't, either. Life isn't some erotic, romantic cinematic experience, with accompanying moving soundtrack. Mine is more a comedy. Beside me is a man who has witnessed me grow from a teen into a middle-aged woman. He's witnessed my successes and crushing failures. He's handled the ways in which I've changed physically and emotionally over two decades. He's taken care of me when I was sick. Provided when I couldn't contribute. We've a shared history - his story and mine intertwined completely. There is something profound in a man looking at you and saying: "I love you so deeply that no character flaw, mistake or failing you may have or do will cause me to judge you, stop loving you or walk out on you. I'm here to love you for the rest of my days". You'll find your own strength of character when you find yourself able to say those same words to another person - and mean them.

The Wild Oats Project is a well written and deeply intimate story of one woman's search for fulfillment. Superficially, it's about a mid-life crisis sparked by her unresolved desire for sexual adventure and self discovery. However, it is actually deeper and more profound: as the story unfolds, the layers of Robin's life story emerge, revealing the truth of her upbringing that left her hurt, angry and unhappy in a marriage that many would call ideal. Robin's "project" becomes a year in which she and her husband live apart during the work week, and come together "normally" on weekends. During the week, each is free to explore other relationships, with only a few "rules." Robin's sexual journey, which takes place mostly in California, brings her into contact with groups like OneTaste that practice Orgasmic Meditation, and sees her exploring sex with a variety of partners, both men and women. I definitely learned a lot about many practices I had no idea were going on. But, despite the fact that the book is full of sex, it isn't the least bit titillating. Nor is the author promoting a swinging lifestyle. Hers is a heartfelt and brutally honest account of her inner and physical journey. Certainly not for everyone, I think it will appeal to those people who feel that something is missing in their lives -- and wonder about the cost of finding out.

This woman is a master of kidding herself and those around her. The reader already knew Ms. Rinaldi was in her mid-forties when in the first few pages she noted how rapidly her bikini-wearing days were coming to a close. We've all known women who - usually as a result of lucky genes more than from any honest effort - somehow manage to retain a twenty-something body well into mid-life. With that humblebrag she ratted out her inherent narcissism. The astute reader can see she'd been quite used to attracting sexual interest from men of all ages, and you can bet she encouraged it even if she hadn't acted on it at that point. All her pining for motherhood aside, Ms, Rinaldi simply had a case of hot pants, partly driven by her own sense of how quickly her looks might begin to fade. This reader found it quite telling that almost all of her partners in adultery were several years younger.As one other reviewer noted, she's well past where she can continue to blame her dysfunctional childhood for her issues. It's time to grow up. Her husband is the real victim here, along with other men who became enamored with her during all her selfish new age dalliances and encounters. One can hardly blame Scott for finding someone else with whom to consort. And Alden, poor fellow, likely has little idea how he will be just another stepping stone in her quest for sexual "fulfillment." Rinaldi is a familiar type, and all the window dressing aside, her behavior is quite typical of that type. That she is seemingly proud of it does nothing to make her more appealing.Despite the presence of a buffoonish main character, it's not a bad story. Its soft core sexual theme can be titillating, plus it was good to see her begin to get her just desserts - even though she maybe didn't fully realize that fact at the time.

I found this an awesome book, though painful in parts. I read it because I was writing a book and happened to see an article that suggested it might be relevant. My first wife left me in somewhat similar circumstances. Her doubts meant that it took a year and a half to do it after she said she would. She left me with three children to bring up and went with a guy she then left a few years later. Why did she leave? Because she needed to find who she was, or who she could become. That was almost 25 years ago. At the moment I am reprocessing some of the grief to use it in my own writing. Is it all worth it? The mistake I made was encouraging my wife to go to the night-school classes. I was trying to help her grow, I supported her through her initial doubts and without that support she would have quit before the teacher asked her out and seduced her away from me. I wish she had written as good a book as this about it all.

This book is filled with many examples of female empowerment, unlearning female body shame, and overcoming self-destructive thoughts that are often picked up by women over the years. I especially appreciated the story of the menstruation blood on her favourite white shirt and how in that moment she had no shame, rather, she had pride. An excellent read for the progressive thinker.

This book is really a story about how two people with a good marriage, through their own selfishness utterly destroyed the trust they had in each other and their marriage with it. In the end they were both much worse off.

The premise of this book can be simply stated as: a frustrated wife suggests an open marriage after her husband, in his unwillingness to have the child she wants, gets a vasectomy.The book itself is a frank and honest account of the year in the author's life living within the open marriage. Whether one agrees with her situation or not the undeniable fact is that she draws you in with her words and encourages self-reflection and stepping out of one's own comfort zone as we only have 'one life'.

I found this an entertaining if very Califorian tale. Robins husband has a vasectomy , she wants children and so rather than getting a divorce and finding a partner who wants the same as her , Robin decides to have an open marriage. yes this is very Oprah and Eat pray love , but I think that is the charm of this sexy memoirs. Soon Craigs list is becoming tantric massage and Robin is creating relationships rather than having one night stands . Of course we all [ apart from her] know that it will end in tears. She doesn't behave particularly well and yet because of her fresh writing style I do actually really like her and her honesty and her search.