Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield

Bought this book today, read it in one sitting and feel more hopeful than I have in 3 years. this book has given me the inspiration and path to continuing this fight despite exhaustion and financial ruin...going out to find an OMB chapter near me and if it doesn't exist I'm starting it this week! Wish I had this book 4 years ago but better late than never...

The BEST book that I have ever read on the damage that a severe narcissist does within a partnership, or marriage, and forever more.. The damage is vested not only on the spouse, but also the children. The narcissist sees all through special filters,.......ALL is about themselves and their wants and needs!It is a book about people, men and women that have narcissistic personality disorder..and the pain and abuse that they leave in their wake after a relationship ends..They are charmers, charismatic, manipulators, and liars. They behave as if the children are extensions of themselves. How could a child possibly need glasses? The narcissist never had glasses. They rarely cooperate with any parenting plan, support payments or visitation. Many times they try to alienate the other parent by bad mouthing them to the child. Then, when the child refuses to participate in this action the narcissist says the other parent is trying to alienate THEM!They dupe therapists, custody evaluators, lawyers, and judges and tie up courts needlessly.You will learn how "The Best Interests Of The Child"are NOT met.Because of an antiquated family court system that stands on the belief thatparenting time should remain equal, courts do not readily change parenting times. or custody.....and in most States, children are not even allowed to make known what they want.This is a wonderful book of survival!"Tina Swithin", The author, has written a book that helps people to understand what HAS and IS happening to them. This type of narcissist is crazy making. Remember the term, gas lighting?The "Battleground" runs through the book.....People now experiencing this ongoing abuse relate how they have and are dealing with it.I guarantee that you will, perhaps for the first time, feel understood and supported in your battle to keep your children and yourself healthy and whole, and have peace in your lives.My belief is that this book should be REQUIRED reading for all in the family court system, custody evaluators, therapists and lawyers and judges as well as parents dealing with a narcissist post-divorce.There need to be changes made to "Protect The Best Interest Of The Children."If I could give this book mare than 5 stars, I would.Kudos to you, Tina Swithin!!!!.

Over a year ago, I left my ex after 17 years of marriage and four children. Since then I've been involved in tortuous court proceedings about residence and contact arrangements. The past year has been a steep learning curve; the most important thing I learnt in this time was that my ex was a narcissist. Suddenly all the past 17 years of his behaviour, my suffering and times when I thought I was going crazy, made sense; I finally understood what had happened to me. The reason it took me so long to figure out that my ex was a narcissist is because he's not a typical one, but a covert narcissist, who uses victimhood and manipulation of situations and people to get others to feel sorry for him. My situation was also exacerbated by the fact that I had a narcissistic husband who is situated within a narcissistic, fundamentalist religious community.I don't know why it took me so long to get to Tina's book, but when I finally did, it was, page after page, an eye opener. One of the most striking things is how, with some variations, she was describing my ex's behaviour. When I found Tina's facebook page 'one mum's battle' I was even more stunned. There was a whole world of men like my ex out there, all operating from the same invisible instruction book, all doing the same thing in different ways. And there was a whole load of support out there, other women who knew how these men operated and how parenting with them needed to be managed.There are so many helpful things in Tina's book, it's hard to know where to start. The more important ones for me were: understanding how narcissists use gas lighting, and hot crispy bacon and fuzzy bunnies. The narc decoder was brilliant, and I've started automatically translating my ex's communications.If you have children, learning how to manage a narcissistic ex is a skill that's difficult, but absolutely essential. As is learning how to support your children, accepting the kind of parenting you can do in the circumstances, and learning how to 'show not tell' - getting the narcissist to show their true selves instead of trying to explain to people what is really going on. You need perseverance, strength and patience, but it's about regaining your personal power and control over your own life, and liberating your children, which is well worth it.Thank you, Tina, for writing the book and for the work you are doing!

I think there was too much detail about the author's personal story and not enough "battlefield advice" that could be applied to everyone in a similar situation.Also the personal account was quite emotional, as of course it would be and when I read those accounts I imagined the writer at a gathering of other women who had experienced the same situation but where it was now safe to vent. However it didn't quite fit in with the general advice for those still going through the "journey" to calm down, manage their stress, not react to the narcissist and to take the emotion out of diary entries, replies to emails/texts, court appearances etc. It didn't make me feel like calming down.The battlefield advice was good though.

Literally, reading this book has been a massive wake up call I needed. So much of it rang true in my own life, which was at some times a relief and at others quite terrifying. All those out there who know that something is 'just not right' with your partners behaviour (whatever their gender!) I urge you to read this. A year and a half after leaving my narcissist husband and with three children under ten, his behaviour continues to escalate as he is losing the control he so craves. I can honestly say it's hell on earth, however I can also say with absolute certainty, I do not, have not, and will never regret leaving. Thank you Tina.