The Emotionally Absent Mother: How To Recognize And Heal The Invisible Effects Of Childhood Emotional Neglect Paperback – 1 Sept. 2017

I chose this book after using the 'look inside' feature. The pages I read made me want to read more...so I bought it! So glad I did!! Easy to read in a 'non-patronising' 'voice', the author acknowledges, examples, informs and suggests perfect insight and clarity into dysfunctional mother / daughter relationships. If you have deep seated 'mother' issues and an enormous need to know who YOU are and be LOVED for being you, then please, please read this book. Indeed, with each page brimming with words that resonate deep to our inner child, I was able to read this book in page / chapter segments. Really digest the words and re-read as often as you wish. Your inner child will sob and cry as you realise the reality of your early nurturing / raising and how so much of it was guided by your mother, and for you and your future! Be kind to your inner child, I suggest to you again, page by page and a good box of soft tissues!

If you are drawn to this book, don't hesitate. I had little expectation from this book merely thought I would find some better understanding of my mum but this has been this most amazing book I have ever read in regards to a self help book truly found healing in what can only be called a minature paperback journey... The author wrote with such dept of undertstanding and simplicity it was a pleasure to read, thankful for her lack of academic jargon. I will be rereading this again and have found this book to be a huge step in the right direction for me and my family. Thank you Jasmin and please continue to write and help others.

I love attachment theory but all too often the theory only gives you one choice of style which can feel like a bad fit. This book was a joy to read looking at the many attachments each of us forms and in particular the attachment with our mothers or those that stood in for our mothers, where the primary attachment figures was emotionally absent.The style of quitting was accessible and thought provoking. A real eye opener when looking at your own process and also when trying to fit it to your clients needs. I feel I'll hold a great deal of this book within me.Highly recommended.

I found this book annoying. Because it was filled with soft sentimental slop.Then I realised I am cold hardened and always seek dry objective clinical facts.My mother didnt like being a mum. She started off like a lot of mums do, neglecting me and mimnising interaction to just feeding clothing and keeping me quiet. The result was...I started screaming. I screamed and screamed and screamed.The screaming first started when she would hold me in her arms with my head unsupported. I was so angry about that. First she blamed my screaming on teething. Then when she couldnt blame that she took me to the doctors and got a diagnosis of colic. The first words I understood was her telling people I was screaming because of colic. Boy did I rage when she told people that.Our relationship completely broke down by this point and she was diagnosed with post natal depression & put on valium to cope with my rages. Everything else was fine except my neck was killing me and she was just in lala land whilst I was in agony & she was completely oblivious. I would think that this not even noticing was that she didnt love me at all.One our relationship was broken and she just saw me as a screamer, communication became very minimal and she avoided me as much as possible. I went into a world of playing with my sister and the neighbours friends. I was no longer crying out for her. I was drifting away forming a seperate life.As I grew older I was told to cook my own meals putting a ready meal tray into the oven. I wasnt encouraged to do self care and wasnt brushing my teeth. I was made to walk to school by myself from age 6. I was given dinner money which I would spend on chcolate and sweets.My mother was trying to come off valium & when we were around 5-6 she would come in to me and my sister. She would have no top on and her arm over her chest. She would rant and rave about how hard it is to be a mother and how she has to do all the housework and we never help out. She would climax telling us that she wanted to hit us for not helping out.Our childhood up to age 10 was pretty normal at school. Once we started secondary school because we lived with teeth covered in plaque, matted hair, shoes that were too small and wore clothes from 'Oxfam', the girls whos mums helped them plait their hair & buy nice dresses started to feel we were a bit repulsive.We also started getting the effects of not washing our skin at this point. Really bad acne developed from age 11. I didnt realise that blackheads are simply dirty pores from lack of using soap. Everyone telling me it was hormonal didnt help. It wasnt. It was infection from lack of cleaning. My acne did not go away when puberty ended. It went away when I started washing my face with soap finally after over 20 years of an unwashed face.My father was a very noble deep thinking man and very sentimental. But he had no idea how to be around a child. He felt awkward and just came home and sat in front of the TV not talking. I had to teach my father how to talk to me. I had to break the ice. But once I did I found a very intelligent interesting person with a big heart. The problem was, when I needed him, he just put his head down thinking "Its all my fault" or "I dont know what to do". So at key moments in my life he offered money or a listening compassionate ear and some basic advice but he never stepped in to protect me or challanged what I was being subjected to.Both these parents did nothing when I went to school with my teeth loaded with plaque and dreadlocks in my hair. None of the adults at the school said anything to me or my parents about this.The horrendous bullying that developed they always told me the other kids were bad and there was nothing wrong with me. I would meet with teachers who would sit together and draw a blank about why this is happening to me. It was because when I smiled it would give anyone a gagging reflex.At age 40 I told my father this was why I was bullied in school & he simply told me how ashamed that made him feel. That was his repsonse to everything. It always because about how I made him feel bad & then he would make it clear that because he was in so much pain that this was some kind of atonement. There was no apology. Him sitting their hating himself whilst a child needs help is not helping the child.I spent from around age 10 to age 18 in the education system with no friends. I would always be sat alone in class. Even if there was an even amount of kids in the class. The one extra kid would sit alone rather than pair up with me. It was incredibly awful in sports classes where noone wanted to pair up with me. Nobody would tell me why. For 8 years. I just needed to be told it was my teeth.As a result of this my social skills development was zero. I was totally left behind. when I finished education I could even hold a conversation. At age 18 I couldnt see any way forward. How to find a partner, start a family, build a home, do a job interview. I was actually doomed & it is because the school professionals didnt help me.I ended up joining a religious community because I thought this would fix my problem. That these people are forced to love by their doctrine. I made friends but still noone told me why Im being rejected. At age 19 I did start cleaning myself because I could see I might meet someone here. This is when I finally started learning how to talk & communicate. The skills my mother should have taught me as a toddler. I was so far behind the other people my age it was unreal.At age 21 after decades of not eating properly I developed a serious health disaorder and ended having to leave this community. I went back to my parents and for 10 years I was lying in a bed with a commode at one end and carers coming in to cook my food because my mother didnt want to lift a finger. She had been delighted when I moved out at 18 and thought her job was finished and she was free. If she had done her job properly she would have been free. But because she created someone who cannot function as a normal adult...whilst other mothers enjoyed seeing their daughters getting married and producing grandchildren, she saw her daughter starting to use an electric wheelchair & commode.Both me and my sister never had kids. We knew it would be a disaster. That we wouldnt know how to be a good mother. As a result, both of us are going to be incredibly alone in old age. Neither of us was able to make a strong bond with a man because of our stunted social skills. We both have ugly teeth and our skin is filled with blackhead and acne scarring. I am still living in my electric wheelchair at age 49.alone...with no real friends. I have sat with 100s of people trying to make a connection, or a bond. The only people I can connect with are tragic people.Every day when I go out on public transport I see mothers who minimise interaction with their kids. I see it more and more nowadays. The kids are just given a screen or they put something in their mouth. Where I live there is a young women whose child is screaming at her. Before the child started screaming, other children would approach her in the street and ask her to play with them. She was totally wooden & had no idea what to do. Her child is looking at this wooden response and getting angry. Then she goes into avoiding. She actuall exposed this child to animal toileting on multiple occassions and she always presents her situation as like a fairy tale. She tells us how she plans to bring the child in the garden to play. But for the first 4 years all the toys outside that the grandparents set up went rotten whilst they all sat behind closed curtians in the dark. All day. Noone going to work. The child is screaming and screaming in there and the same mistake has happened. The professionals have examined the child and diagnoised them as having behavioural issues. Blaming the childs brain. This child has been locked indoors. When they are brought out for appointments they relax once outdoors. And they scream when brought ohome being putting back inside. How is that autism & Adhd? These illnesses are the new colic. Its exactly the same pattern. The father has no teeth and is in his 20s. Isnt that indication enough that the child is not going to be taught basic life skills?These parents do this to the children and authorities see it as a taboo to even question why a child is being brought to school with clear signs of parental neglect. Nothing has changed. And until it does we have no right to complain that young people are not arising as productive members of society.

My personal therapist recommended this book as we have been working for about two years on my 'mother issues'.There were many 'light bulb' moments for me as I read the book: Jasmin Lee Cori sensitively takes you through some painful issues and makes helpful connections and observations which really do help to heal childhood emotional neglect.There were times when I laughed out loud as it felt to me like the author knew my mum!I use sticky markers each time I find really helpful/useful text; my test of a 'good book' is how many markers I use. If you look at the picture you will see that this book if packed with helpful/useful text!I would like to thank the author for writing such a helpful and insightful book.

I have struggled with a sense of not being good enough, a people pleaser all my life. But, I just put it down to a personality trait, bring an empath, rather than anything more serious.However, my anxiety levels were starting to overwhelm and I knew I needed help.This book provided explanations for my feelings and behaviour. And more importantly ways to help myself recover after all these years.Jasmin lee Cori, seems blend compassion and explanations in a way that makes you feel understood and empowered at the same time, a true gift.If you have experienced relationship problems with your mother, buying this book may be one of the best decisions you will make.

Made me ask a lot of questions and improve my life. I wouldn't say the advice in the book is easily actionable though. Best worked through alongside a therapist.

The best book I have ever read!I was looking for literature, because I felt absent to my 3 year old child. And I accidently bought this book, that turns to be an excellent way to heal my children wounds.While Reading the book, I cried, i felt hopeless, but at the end I was able to understand my childhood.Its a great book, if you are in your way of healing your inner you.

I had heard about this book from I do not recall where. I will, however, recall how much I have learned from it. It is smartly written, backed up my years of research and includes questions, lists for the reader to review. It was a bit painful to read at times but the insight it has given me far exceeded that. I have recommended to my sisters as well. I strongly suggest anyone with mother's who had difficulty parenting or being present to read this book. It is illuminating and will give you tremendous insight as well as comfort that you are not alone in how you were raised and how you might continue to feel. It is helpful in healing. My mother came here on an arranged marriage from the Middle East. She was 17, he was 52. 4 children by the times she was 24. One summer they went back to spend a summer with family. He caught wind that she went to her parents and begged for a divorce (He was emotionally, physically & sexually abusive). Her depression was evident and, without disclosing what he heard, he sent her back here & left the children to finish their vacation coming back in a month's time. He then went into "hiding" with them. By the time he returned he had a new (older, old maid type) of wife and prevented her from seeing them (it was the 50's AND the culture in arab dominated locations here) She married my father to 'replace' the four kids she lost (adding to that, our father left her with 4 kids under the age of 5 as he chose drinking & irresponsibility for a life). A recipe for disaster in parenting in a healthy manner. IN any event (I am not one to be so forthcoming with this but feel it is important for context) it was not a healthy environment for us, we did not know about her past. My point is that there are a variety of ways that cause a mother to be 'absent'. Certainly alcohol plays a part for some. My general point is that there is always a back story and although this material was not available to those of us from a certain generation, it is now and gives a great many people to understand, forgive, and repair. I guarantee that.

The book has a very good quality of paper. The content is very interesting.

Dit boek geeft een duidelijk beeld van de emotioneel afwezige moeder, de impact hiervan op het kind en wat je, op latere leeftijd, zelf kan doen om de schade (enigszins) te herstellen.Ik ben dankbaar, dat dit boek op mijn pad is gekomen. Het lezen ervan was af en toe confronterend en emotioneel, maar ik ben achteraf blij, dat ik het gedaan heb. Het heeft mijn ogen geopend.