Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Product ID: 560098515
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From the Harvard Negotiation Project—which brought you the megabestseller GETTING TO YES—this practical guide will help you handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill Whether dealing with an underperforming employee or a challenging colleague, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a client, or simply saying "No," "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. No matter how competent we are, we all have conversations that cause anxiety and frustration. This book can help. Based on almost thirty years of research, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step approach for how to have your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You'll learn how to: • Decipher the underlying structure and challenge of every difficult conversation • Raise tough issues without triggering defensiveness • Manage strong emotions — yours and theirs • Keep your balance no matter how the other person responds • Get to the heart of the matter in ways that promote learning and build relationships Filled with examples from everyday life, this third edition is thoroughly updated and addresses issues such as race, culture, gender, power, social media, and communicating via technology as we talk to one another across the world—and across worldviews. With constructive communication an ever more critical need in personal, professional, and public life, Difficult Conversations is a classic you will turn to again and again for powerful, practical advice. Review: How to Be Right Without Technically Saying You’re Right (And Other Fairy Tales) - The Authors: The Harvard Negotiation Project (A.K.A. People who think logic works on your toddler). Do you love the feeling of swallowing your pride until you choke? Do you enjoy pretending that your coworker’s absolute incompetence is just a "difference in working styles"? Then boy, do I have the book for you. From the ivory tower geniuses who brought us Getting to Yes (the book that convinced us we could negotiate world peace if we just used enough Venn diagrams) comes this updated guide to handling the moments in life where you actually just want to scream into a pillow. The Premise The book assumes that human beings are rational actors who, when presented with a "Learning Stance," will stop being defensive jerks. It suggests that instead of winning an argument, we should try to understand the other person. Gross. The "Method" The authors break down every argument into three layers: The "What Happened" Conversation: Where you have to pretend you don't know exactly who left the milk out. The Feelings Conversation: Where you have to acknowledge that the other person has emotions, even though their only emotion should be shame. The Identity Conversation: Where you realize you aren't the hero of the story. (Speak for yourself, Harvard). The "Updates" This third edition is updated for the modern era, addressing things like social media. Finally, a chapter on how to use "I statements" when a stranger on Twitter accuses you of having the IQ of a ham sandwich. It also covers "communicating via technology," which I assume is just 20 pages of advice on why you shouldn't break up with someone via Snapchat. The Verdict Difficult Conversations is an incredibly useful, well-researched, and practical guide that completely ruins the joy of righteous indignation. It forces you to be the "bigger person," to "disentangle intent from impact," and to "listen." It’s exhausted me just typing that. If you actually do what this book says, your relationships will undoubtedly improve, your work life will be smoother, and you will navigate conflict with grace. But you’ll miss the sweet, sweet dopamine hit of just yelling, "Because I said so!" Rating: 5/5 stars for effectiveness; 0/5 stars for letting me be petty. Key Takeaways for the Reluctant Adult: The "Third Story": The book suggests framing a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third observer. I prefer the "My Story," where I am right, and you are wrong. Curiosity: You are supposed to be "curious" about why your employee is underperforming. Note: "Are you actually kidding me?" does not count as curiosity. The Cost: The price of this book is $20, but the real cost is having to admit that maybe, just maybe, you are part of the problem. Next Step: Would you like me to roleplay a "Difficult Conversation" with you so you can practice these techniques (or just vent)? Review: Helpful books to read - What a sensible book. Gave me great insight and helped me understand when people are speaking what they are really saying.
| Best Sellers Rank | #4,272 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #1 in Management Science #25 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #136 in Success Self-Help |
| Customer Reviews | 4.6 out of 5 stars 409 Reviews |
D**H
How to Be Right Without Technically Saying You’re Right (And Other Fairy Tales)
The Authors: The Harvard Negotiation Project (A.K.A. People who think logic works on your toddler). Do you love the feeling of swallowing your pride until you choke? Do you enjoy pretending that your coworker’s absolute incompetence is just a "difference in working styles"? Then boy, do I have the book for you. From the ivory tower geniuses who brought us Getting to Yes (the book that convinced us we could negotiate world peace if we just used enough Venn diagrams) comes this updated guide to handling the moments in life where you actually just want to scream into a pillow. The Premise The book assumes that human beings are rational actors who, when presented with a "Learning Stance," will stop being defensive jerks. It suggests that instead of winning an argument, we should try to understand the other person. Gross. The "Method" The authors break down every argument into three layers: The "What Happened" Conversation: Where you have to pretend you don't know exactly who left the milk out. The Feelings Conversation: Where you have to acknowledge that the other person has emotions, even though their only emotion should be shame. The Identity Conversation: Where you realize you aren't the hero of the story. (Speak for yourself, Harvard). The "Updates" This third edition is updated for the modern era, addressing things like social media. Finally, a chapter on how to use "I statements" when a stranger on Twitter accuses you of having the IQ of a ham sandwich. It also covers "communicating via technology," which I assume is just 20 pages of advice on why you shouldn't break up with someone via Snapchat. The Verdict Difficult Conversations is an incredibly useful, well-researched, and practical guide that completely ruins the joy of righteous indignation. It forces you to be the "bigger person," to "disentangle intent from impact," and to "listen." It’s exhausted me just typing that. If you actually do what this book says, your relationships will undoubtedly improve, your work life will be smoother, and you will navigate conflict with grace. But you’ll miss the sweet, sweet dopamine hit of just yelling, "Because I said so!" Rating: 5/5 stars for effectiveness; 0/5 stars for letting me be petty. Key Takeaways for the Reluctant Adult: The "Third Story": The book suggests framing a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third observer. I prefer the "My Story," where I am right, and you are wrong. Curiosity: You are supposed to be "curious" about why your employee is underperforming. Note: "Are you actually kidding me?" does not count as curiosity. The Cost: The price of this book is $20, but the real cost is having to admit that maybe, just maybe, you are part of the problem. Next Step: Would you like me to roleplay a "Difficult Conversation" with you so you can practice these techniques (or just vent)?
A**R
Helpful books to read
What a sensible book. Gave me great insight and helped me understand when people are speaking what they are really saying.
J**Y
Has great practical tips
Enjoyed reading this book. There’re a lot of practical tips that you could practice from day one.
K**D
This was a good book
This book is so shallow that it works for both babies and adults. I absorbed what I needed reflected and now I'm ready for my next read.
R**.
Reading this again and again
Great book and sooooooo recommended. I made a point to read this once a year. Definitely staying on my bookshelf.
H**R
On point
So helpful
A**R
Tons of useful info
Awesome book. Every page has something notable and applicable. My wife and I use it and it has definitely helped us regarding our communication. Can't recommend it enough
A**R
Book text invisible
Can’t even read this book… the text is in GRAY and hardly visible. Publishers saving cost on ink??????
A**R
Very american
Very much the American perspective, though once passed the vocabulary quite insightful
A**I
Insightful on managing arguments' standoffs and beyond
I appreacheated the high-value information contained in this book and, in spite having read it only once, I retained a lot of useful strategies to cope with difficult conversations. Surely I will give it a second, third and maybe fourth read since, while the authors aptly structured the whole strategy in sections and chapters, there are plenty of suggestions and examples that might easily apply to our ordinary life and help us being prepared for the worst (even if you are really never ready when the flame of discussion heats up and your emotions might throw fuel other than water upon it). Highly recommended read for sure!
C**H
Item arrived damaged
The book came with the cover torn off from one side
S**A
Great book!
Very interesting book! Highly recommended!
Y**.
Excellent read
Extremely recommended for both professionals and private persons alike. Very well written and thought provoking, makes you struggle with your own perceptions and ultimately change how you think if you're open to it.
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