Confessions of a Funeral Director: How the Business of Death Saved My Life Hardcover – September 26, 2017

Your words lanced a festering wound that has been squeezing at the soul of me for over a decade now… well to be precise it will be exactly 13 years in just 13 more days. On October 14th 2004 my world as I had known it came to a close and what followed was a life I felt quite foreign to and unable to easily navigate around in. The experience had left me searching, more like desperately craving a different meaning, a different explanation, a different dialogue to what I had walked into. One day I was a 30-year-old married woman with 3 young children, no different from the rest of us swiftly moving along this journey in life, then the next day I was wearing a forever awkward title of widow. I felt I had no place, no place among my peers, who feared the truth of what I had become and no place among the later population who more frequently wore the title of widow. Your words though, Caleb Wilde, hit directly what my last decade had been searching for, the lack of fear and the lack of shame. That was exactly what enveloped my mind and soul the day my Brian died… I could not look into that casket for fear of seeing the truth in its entirety and for that I felt shame. I struggled throughout the years as I raised the children in the absence of their father, forever chasing a protocol of how it should be done if he was here. Facing the judgment of others, the feelings of being ostracized and so often forgotten. How the weight of his death hung about my neck like a noose that was certain to be my demise. The fear of how my children will statistically end up, seeing that they now were fatherless and I was so very lacking. How much different my story could have been, if my death narrative could have been a positive one. Had I been able to lift the lid of the casket that held my beloved and saw what was truthfully there… his shell that contained his mortality. A mortality that is inevitable of us all and that is nothing to be ashamed of. If I could have just embraced his body and seen what the war had done to him, to perhaps have been connected to his final hours. I knew though, that the story I was told within our society wasn’t a healthy one, it left grief in this every suspended state of “almost there”. Like Caleb had said, “we are all death virgins” and this stage of death and grief are new and unfamiliar to us. It is no longer a dance we partake of, the generations before us teaching us how to gracefully meet each step. It has simply become removed, until it is slammed into our face and the energy and force of death has nowhere to go. It churns within our soul and creates a turmoil we have no strength to control. I have sought for the last 12 years, 11 months and 2 weeks for a satisfaction and a release for that energy. I AM NOT WEIRD nor am I unique in my journey. I am simply a woman who experienced love and tragic loss and can still rightfully have a connection to the deceased. We should be able to feel, express and connect in the death process that doesn’t leave us floundering and searching for “closure”, which chapter 14 “Active Remembering” tells us that there isn’t one and that is ok! I am so very relieved to find your words and your challenge for the death negative narrative and how we can find a bit of heaven here on earth. Your book is something deeply spiritual but nowhere near religious. This could be a book that is helpful for those grieving and those who have yet to experience loss. It is the needle in the haystack I have yearned and pined for. Your words are a medicine my soul needed to hear. Thank you, Caleb.

Caleb, thank you for writing your book "Confessions of a Funeral Director". I literally have no words, its beautifully written, insightful & so what I needed at this exact time. I read the entire book in one night, I laughed, I cried & I'm glad I didn't use a highlighter because I'd of highlighted it all! Chapter 10 had me sobbing out loud! I had to walk away for a bit as I cried, it was that honest & real in my heart. I've read that chapter over & over & even out loud to my husband. It hit home! I'm glad to know you, because I can hear your voice & your heart in the words of your book. It's a must read for all of us struggling with the "why" & "now what". My favorite pages are now engraved in my mind, pages 89-95 & "Wouldn't it be interesting if vulnerability lies at the very core of God?" Honestly, I find this book life changing for me as I've struggled these past four months in our loss of Ray. I too was raised in the same religion as you & I've felt put in a God type box about Heaven, our sin, expectations, etc. How liberating to hear someone actually say there is another way to think of it all, another way to worship, a way to be grateful & in the moment. It's just beautiful Caleb. I wish you so much success on this book, the labor of love it was for you shines through in every page! I'm forever changed & that's a good thing! I encourage everyone to read this book! Again, thank you!

Even though I am an atheist I am in the process of getting into mortuary and funeral services. Two years ago I lost my mother unexpectedly and exchanged my entire view on death. Though I am not a religious person, this book gives me insight on religious views from people who lose their loved ones. To those reviewing saying that it’s too preachy, I can understand where you’re coming from. As somebody who wants to work in this industry it does give good insight to better understand and reflect with the people and the families you will be dealing with in this course of somebody’s life. Death is inevitable, whether it’s those who have lived out their life to its full natural term, for those who have left this earth to soon in an unexpected and unkindly manner... This book gives insight on how Reality can give you a better view of compassion despite what your personal views are. I will definitely re-read this book again and I do recommend this book for those getting into funeral and mortuary sciences. I also recommended for those who have lost loved ones and are still dealing with heavy grief after years like I am.

As a Funeral Home Secretary, I am surrounded by the type of experiences that Caleb describes on a daily basis, however usually on the "fringes" and not always dealing directly with the grieving families that are served by our firm. Although, at certain times I am called upon to speak to a person on the telephone immediately following the death of a loved one and must convey the information I've been given to our directors.Caleb's personal and relatable writing style and the experiences shared in his stories helped me understand exactly what the family firm that I work for is called upon to do - and how best to help them help others. It's never easy, but you never know how much a kind word or gesture may be needed by someone - and how being open to that need is a gift to be shared.Thank you, Caleb for sharing your wonderful insight about the death care industry with the general public, and also with us who are involved with similar situations, that we may have a better understanding of what it takes to be open and helpful to those in their time of need - and how we ourselves may receive help in the process!

Boek was een cadeautje, maar kwam vol vouwen en buiten de kartonnen Amazon verpakking zonder plastic of iets dergelijks aan. We hebben helaas niet genoeg tijd om het terug te sturen, maar dit was niet de kwaliteit die we verwachtten.

I found so many passages in this book that resonated with me. In his confessions, Caleb states that 'I learned the Jewish concept of Tikkun olam, which means "the healing of the world" and is accomplished through the presence in the midst of the pain. It can be summarized in the phrase "I'm here with you and I love you" and is accomplished through simple acts of presence.' Having gone through my fair share of funerals and dying loved ones, this idea of just being present and there with those left behind, while a simple one, is often forgotten as we let negative narratives get in our own way of processing.Caleb's openness about his life growing up in the industry and his own misgivings about donning the mantel of Funeral Director himself are vulnerable, honest, and real. His sharing of his own pain and the lessons he has learned through helping others through theirs is immense and gratifying. His vision of educating others about the negative narrative that surrounds death and contemplation regarding a more positive outlook on something that is inevitable and a part of everyone's lives is a worthwhile read, from beginning to end.

I must admit, I did not know what to expect from this book. But was taken aback by how involved it was and how it really makes you think about how you feel about death and dying. Putting a positive spin on death and how we think, feel and deal with it, is very refreshing. Wonderfully written.

Thank you Caleb, you help bring a natural happening into focus, give a considered point of view and an honest narrative of death in your part of the world. I've followed your blog for a long time please keep it going as I look forward to whatever path your journey takes.

This book made me feel my grief on another level, and I don't mean that in a negative way. This book has given me a more positive perspective into death and spirituality, which I have struggled with since I have experienced loss.