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A story on the struggles of scary combination of motherhood, navigating a new world with a child with Downs Syndrome, insomnia, anxiety and a drug that can easily be abused and still not understood enough… Benzodiazepines. Benzo addiction and dependence isn’t talked about nearly enough.I immediately knew I would be interested in what this author had to say. As a mother, someone who struggles with insomnia and anxiety since a teen and has a active prescription for a benzodiazepine…. I needed to know more.I found myself floored and then equally not all that surprised at the lack of responsible and educated support she got. Unfortunately, our culture is quick to use medications to fix symptoms without fully understanding what might happen afterwards or really exploring root causes. Her story of trying to manage her sleep, finding herself highly addicted and facing absolutely terrifying side effects was gutting. Her story is so valuable so that others can heal. I think it’s also important to note the significant toll it took on her family and her marriage, I’m grateful she got support… but also want to be mindful of how many this really effects and hoping they were able to heal too.That said: These medications work well, and can be immensely helpful if used correctly (and prescribed thoughtfully). I do feel as though providers are improving now, I see less high doses in my own work, safer medications being used first and more education around expectations for this medicine.A thought provoking and insightful read, one that I’ll be keeping on my shelves and highly recommend if this is an area of interest! If you read brain on fire or this is not a pity memoir, this is another medical memoir that was well done!

I don't read as much as I used to but I finished this book in 2 days. It was very interesting "

This book describes the author's struggles with benzodiazepine addiction, after being prescribed Ativan to treat her insomnia. Bond describes her chaotic decent into madness, as she tries to manage raising her two young children, and dealing with a troubled marriage while facing withdrawals from benzo addiction.I was impressed with Bond's ability to describe her perspective; such visceral emotions are conveyed in powerfully descriptive language. It is clear that Bond is a talented writer, although some of her candid thoughts and descriptions don't really serve to make her a very sympathetic character. At times it felt a bit like everyone else was to blame for her problems, and there wasn't much accountability for her role in things. I haven't been in her shoes, and I don't want to judge her actions; but I did find myself feeling uncomfortable at the vitriol towards her husband, or the general lack of taking responsibility. Perhaps it is hard to see the world as others do when you feel so miserable all the time; and in any case I appreciated her raw, expressive window into her thoughts.This is a painful/depressing story, but I hope it will at least serve to inform some readers about the dangers of benzo addiction. Hopefully with this book Bond will prevent some people from experiencing the same trauma that she went through. 3.5 / 5

Benzodiazepines have been around for years, peaking at different times but never becoming extinct. Eight years ago my small-town family doctor put me on Ativan, sometimes trying Xanax when I would fall over crying in his tiny office. Either way, at my request they never stopped coming at increasing doses. All of a sudden he closed his practice and moved 80 miles away. According to Google he's doing well. I ended up in psychiatric care and the benzo prescriptions continued. Till Nurse Feelgood closed too. Now my carerer is tapering me. There have been many, many ER visits and hospitalizations in between.. Ok, now my book review. I have never found a book that so intimately dealt with insomnia. Its crushing as night after night you feel alone and your brain spins. Then the author slowly describes her slide into an addiction she didn't ask for. This is a story about marriage, children, disability, addiction, friendship, family, and so much more. I highly recommend it. My only one issue was.an extreme vulgarity at 70% that truly could have been avoided and should have been. I did enjoy perusing the author's website and think she should write a biography just about marriage.

A riveting, honest and well-written memoir, detailing Bond’s chaotic journey. After the birth of her daughter, Bond experiences harrowing and unrelenting insomnia that sends her on a desperate quest for relief. As a writer, wife and mother of two small children, one with special needs, Bond’s days are happy, hectic and full, until sudden, unexpected sleeplessness derails nearly everything. Doctors prescribe Ambien, and then Ativan, but the benzodiazepines cause her alarming and debilitating side effects. Tapering off is then implemented, but this too, creates painful repercussions, due to her body’s physical dependence on the drug. Bond does an excellent job of explaining just how innocently and insidiously the dependence began. She simply went to her doctor, someone she trusted, for help with her chronic and protracted lack of sleep. In turn, she was given numerous pills, at increasingly higher dosages, when the effectiveness waned, and was told to continue to “stay the course.” Eventually, Bond discovers that the benzodiazepines are intended for short-term use only, but that doctors often prescribe them for extended periods of time, seemingly unaware of the potential long-term dangers. Bond’s book is unflinching, raw, emotional and poetic. It’s an illuminating portrait of a tenacious woman, who finds the strength to climb out of the darkness and reclaim her life. A worthwhile and highly-recommended read.