A Guide to Rational Living Paperback – August 1, 1975

This is a great book. If you read it years ago like me… you might like to read it again! Enjoy

While I don't agree with everything Ellis has to say here (particularly about philosophy), this is among the best self-help books I've read (and I've read a fair number).In this book, Ellis argues that we've set up a lot of arbitrary rules for ourselves and that these cause a lot of our psychological distress. For example, we might take a preference like "I don't like it when it rains on weekends in summer because it messes up my golf game" and change that to something more along the lines of "it MUST NOT rain on weekends [inflexible rule]; it would be awful if it did [catastrophizing] and I couldn't stand it [low frustration tolerance]." ("Awful" being a code word for "much worse than it actually is," "total end of the world," "100% bad" or something along those lines). OK, maybe a bit of a contrived example, but you get the picture... If we held the preference that it didn't rain on weekends, we'd naturally be disappointed if it rained (perfectly normal reaction to something we dislike); if we held the rule that it MUST NOT happen (especially if we held it strongly), we'd be horrified and filled with anger at the injustice of the situation.This illustrates another thing I like about his mode of therapy - his basic realism. Stress happens, we just need to learn to respond to it without shooting ourselves in the foot. Similarly, it's not that we feel nothing in response to negative events (in the example above, we'd be genuinely disappointed that the weather prevented us from playing golf), it's just that we try to avoid overreacting.He makes the point (quite effectively, actually) that we actually make quite a lot of these rules without even realizing it; some of them may be pretty harmless but a lot of them can actually cause significant distress, psychological inflexibility, and behavioral issues, and may contribute in a significant way to various mental illnesses like depression, eating disorders, addiction, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (to name a few). For those who do struggle with compulsive behaviors, by the way, Jack Trimpey (of Rational Recovery) has several books applying the ideas in this book to addictive & compulsive behaviors and Tom Horvath (of SMART Recovery) has an excellent workbook on this - I'd encourage you to read this book as well as theirs and see if you'd be helped by them (both provide excellent alternatives to AA and other 12-step programs in my opinion).He does a great job of helping identify the thought patterns underlying distress in general as well as covering specific problems and problem behaviors (e.g. low frustration tolerance, indiscipline, etc.).People are often surprised by the lack of emphasis on "depth psychology" or examining the past. The authors' argument is that psychoanalysis failed because, regardless of how you got to your present situation, you still need to deal with your philosophy as it actually is today.My one criticism of this book is his implicit endorsement of existentialism. For example, I agree with the concept of Unconditional Self-Acceptance (see the book for details on this); however, I don't think he has a particularly good philosophical basis for this. His basic approach to self-worth is "well, you can always make it up and pretend it's true, even if you can't actually prove it." (I kid you not; in this case, this is evidently a guide to not-so-rational living). Because of his endorsement of existentialism, he's completely unable to provide an objective basis for people's intrinsic value as humans. He also seems to support moral relativism in places (which, in spite of its widespread cultural acceptance, is philosophically incoherent in my opinion). Overall, these don't detract too much from the book (except for his discussion of anger, which I think is flawed); there are definitely rational ways you can come up with an objective basis for intrinsic human worth. (In my case, I just substituted my Christian beliefs in my worth before God for his command to "make it up").Whether you're recovering from a psychological issue or not, this is a wonderful book to read. Everyone has some issues to work on whether they think so or not. We all have times where we disturb ourselves unnecessarily, as the authors would say, and this book can help you change. Maybe not be perfect but certainly much better. I for one wish I had read this when I was much younger; it could have saved me quite a bit of unnecessary pain.

I bought this book after reading about half of David Burns Feeling Good and seeing recommendations for this book in those reviews. Personally, I am glad that I read Feeling Good before I read this book, as Feeling Good was a fantastic introduction to the power of my own mind over my feelings. Personally, I suffer from depression, and I've been using both of these books as tools to try to work on recovering from my illness.Concerning A Guide to Rational Living, yes I would recommend this book. It's not nearly as easy to digest as Feeling Good, so I do think it's important to start there, but there are some very helpful things in this guide that I didn't take from Feeling Good. I believe Feeling Good is the better place to start because it has a stronger emphasis on recording your automatic thoughts (described here as Irrational Beliefs by Ellis). Since Feeling Good taught me how important it was to write distorted thoughts, I was able to use the tools from that book as I went through Ellis and Harper's book.Particular things in this book that were keys to my personal well being were the chapters, "Overcoming the Influences of the Past," and "Conquering Anxiety and Panic." Influences of the past was an integral chapter for me, because after I read through that chapter, I was able to reflect on my feelings towards my parents and forgive them for the things I still blamed them for. There was a very particular passage explaining that people create rules for themselves that allow them to continually revive the pains they felt when they were younger. I was able to address this rule within myself and find a new token of peace.I haven't finished the book, I'll admit. I only just finished the chapter, "Conquering Anxiety and Panic." I feel this chapter too helped me to consider what it is that's bothering me with a particular issue I have been struggling with for years. No, I don't think this feeling is completely removed from me, but I have had the luxury of beginning to chip away at it with the tools in this chapter.The book does suffer from one thing--constant redundancy. It seems that Ellis and Harper stumbled upon one cognitive rule and then tried to find 150+ different opportunities to rephrase it. They really enjoy the words, "terrible," "horrible," "awful," and "must." Though the book does occasionally become repetitive, it's message is no less powerful. You are acceptable, with flaws, with goods, with bads, and the way you view the world is bringing you more pain than you deserve. Through it's repetition, the book hopes to drill in your mind a new way of considering reality that allows you to treat yourself with more dignity and respect.Much of the content is beautiful for the freedom it offers the reader once s/he digests and accepts the philosophy. I believe this book can be a powerful tool for you in overcoming the issues that have tortured you for years. It's not perfect (which you'll learn is a fantasy anyway), but it teaches you something useful, which is the most you could ask for.