A Little Life

I’ll be blunt upfront. A LITTLE LIFE (2015) by Hanya Yanagihara is the most soul-wrenching novel I have perhaps ever read. In the novel Yanagihara follows in minute detail the lives of four men who become friends, “a clique,” in college and continue to be close into their late fifties. JB Marion begins his work life as a “receptionist at a small but influential magazine based in SoHo that covered the downtown art scene,” with ambitions to become an artist. Fatherless since he was three, JB is of Haitian descent, tends toward being overweight, and is gay. Willem Ragnarsson, handsome and “liked by everyone” starts out as a waiter, but has his eye set on becoming a professional actor on stage and screen. In ways, Malcolm Irvine is the outlier of the group, still living at home with his parents who are a couple of mixed-race. He is wealthy and determined to become an architect. Malcolm appears to be oblivious of his appeal to others, even naïve, somewhat confused about his sexuality, and unmindful of his financial situation although generous to his friends and others when they are in need. At the core of the four friends is Jude St. Francis who holds the group together—not so much by what he does even though he is considerably bright, loyal, and hard-working, as well as determined to become a prosecutor, but because his friends care about him and Jude has needs. Parentless and with a mysterious past all of which he never speaks about and never having “a girlfriend or a boyfriend,” Jude has trouble with his legs and is frequently in pain. Although he never complains nor asks for help, his friends are very aware of his situation and go out of their way to assist Jude in as tactful of a manner as possible. Mainly set in New York City, as A LITTLE LIFE unfolds, Yanagihara brings into the fold other characters of importance including a doctor, Andy Contractor, and a former law professor, Harold Stein and his wife Judy, all of whom play important roles in in the novel, as well as a host of minor characters. It is, however, the four friends who remain central to the story, especially Jude and Willem, roommates in college and who remain the closest of the friends. The bulk of Yanagihara’s novel is told in chronicle order, but as the novel progresses, there are more flashbacks and memories, some of which get repeated with added detail as they surface, most of them revolving around Jude who becomes more and more the novel’s central character. When thinking about tragic characters in prose fiction, no one comes my mind as being more tragic than Jude Fawley from Thomas Hardy’s JUDE THE OBSCURE (1894/1895) which may be the motivation for the author’s name for her main character—Jude, “the patron saint of lost causes.” Although readers soon come to the realization Jude is a physically and emotionally scarred individual, Yanagihara’s revelations about the details of Jude’s history are painfully slow in coming—mirroring the complexity and rawness of those very memories which haunt and torment Jude. They are memories which have shaped, or rather distorted, his life. In one flashback the author reveals twenty-five years in the past, Ana, Jude's now deceased “first and only social worker” warning Jude during a hospital stay, “…you have to talk about these things while they’re fresh. Or you’ll never talk about them… and it’s going to fester inside you, and you’re always going to think you’re to blame. You’ll be wrong, of course, but you’ll always think it.” There are relatively few highs in Jude’s life and when they occur, the reader is bound to find them tearful moments of joy. The increasingly close friendship between Jude and Willem with both of them at the zenith of their careers is complex—filled paradoxically with the bounty which human relationships can contain along with enormous peril. Unfortunately, most of Jude’s life is a series of unrelenting, dreadful, terrifying, shattering lows and betrayals accompanied by self-destructive impulses which become worse and worse, adding to a man’s already burdensome childhood, youth, and life-long post-traumatic stress. Jude’s is a portrait of suffering beyond comprehension and the brutal perpetrators of his torments throughout his life are the epitome of unfathomable, monstrous human behavior. Thus, A LITTLE LIFE does not make for easy reading. It is emotionally jolting and at the same time riveting. So vivid are Yanagihara’s expose of the quartet of characters, the reader becomes one with them, making it a quintet. The author’s characters are real to life, the dialogue is vivid and genuine, and the quality of the writing as well as the tone of the novel is unswerving. Although Yanagihara’s central characters meet with sometimes staggering personal and professional successes, there are also failures and tragedies, both past and present, and always a dire cloud which encircles them all, especially Jude. Due to her immense and encompassing narrative skills, readers will eventually brace themselves so that whenever a horrifying revelation is made about Jude’s secret past or his present, there is likely worse to come. A narrative trick Yanagihara pulls a little over a quarter of the way into the novel and again at the half-way point, moving from an omniscient narrator to what clearly is a first person although not readily identifiable narrator, is bound to strike the reader as both curious and possibly even portentous. It is left up to the reader to recognize and interpret for themselves the meaning of the author’s temporary changes in point of view. She does the same switch near the book’s conclusion which eventually brings the work to its shocking climax and even more emotionally numbing, traumatic end. Clearly, A LITTLE LIFE is not for everyone. even though the novel is a modern masterpiece of writing and prose fiction and a work which will haunt the reader for a long time. The most resilient reader may very likely find there are times when they simply must close the book and exit the bleakness of the world Yanagihara creates before picking the book up again. Others may discover there are times when they simply want to throw the book across the room. Some readers may find the book impossible to finish because it is so emotionally draining. Regardless of the reader’s reaction to the novel, A LITTLE LIFE is an incredible accomplishment and a work which haunt the reader for a long time. [NOTES: (1) A LITTLE LIFE has recently been declared one of “The 20 Best Novels of the Decade” by Emily Temple for The Literary Hub on December 23, 2019. (2) The book’s cover photo is from a series of photos taken in the 1960s by Peter Hujar. The photo is titled “Orgasmic Man.” The photo is purposefully ambiguous. Is the man depicted experiencing joy or pain? (3) A stage adaptation of A LITTLE LIFE ran in Amsterdam in 2018 and 2019 with limited runs, only, most of which were in Dutch.]

There are so many things I loved about this book, countered by so many things I hated. Yet, the beauty I saw in my head in the “happy years” and the emotions I felt, terrible and tragic, overcame the things I disliked about it. Leaving me thinking about this book nearly every single hour, every single day for the past month. Coincidentally, falling in love with it. Whilst horribly missing and feeling a sense of loss towards Willem and Jude. Though I thought some characters were 1 dimensional, I believe their two amazing characters had so much depth and personality that they shown against the others, making it worth while. I think some minor descriptions got repetitive and sometimes boring, which made it harder to get through the 814 pages, but in the end it was worth it. The final chapter was absolutely amazing, I have never read something that made me this emotional, all whilst tying up the text perfectly. I was able to recognize the many different meanings behind the title of the book, which was a heartbreaking experience for some of them, but I always love figuring out the titles significance to the text itself. Which this book does very well on. Now some reviews hate on this book for its continuous graphic content and repetitive unlikeness of Jude’s life. However I never felt this way. Sure it was hard to get through many sections about Jude’s past. But I don’t think they are used just to make us feel terrible. The created a story one in which we saw Jude carrying such weight for the 53 years of his life. One which that affected everything he did and everyone we loved. It did this in a way I haven’t seen a book do. And with the unlikeness of the events all happening in his life. Sure maybe every horrible thing that happened to him seemed unbelievable because how many traumatic things can happen to one guy? But how I saw it was, these things DO happen to people. R*pe, p*dophilia, s*x trafficking, kidnapping, car accidents, abusive relationships, loss, depression; and all of the other things Jude experienced. It’s not like someone who faces trauma in their life, only has one event happen and the rest of their lives runs smoothly. I also saw how Jude could be representing so many different people and different life experiences. For this reason this didn’t make it unbelievable to me in any way. The only way it is if you stay for narrowed and head on with the book, rather then thinking about bigger context; the issues in todays world, what people experience, and how he was a representation, representing all sorts of people in one character. It’s if I saw Jude as almost a metaphor. People also disagreed on the other extremity’s that took place, but on the other spectrum; success. All of the characters have an arch in their careers and all become super successful in their particular field. Even Jude, although he has had set back after set back. I think if the author had given Jude a mediocre life, or not have found his friends, and Harold and Julia, his adoptive parents, his career and life, he would have not made it as long as he did. Because mind me again, these things do happen to people, and are very hard to overcome. So Yanahigara, of course gave him this beautiful life, and all of his friends one. Too. But let’s not say it was without struggle. Jude struggles everyday with trauma and sadness, topped with self hatred, Jb struggled with a drug addiction, Willem didn’t get gig after gig and wondered about his competence, Malcolm didn’t make it for a while, under the pressure of his parents. Like real life there were setbacks for all of them, before they made it big. And what is unrealistic about making it big, when one you are passionate about what you love and two you went to a good university? I think it’s unfair to these people’s characters to say their lives became unrealistic either on the traumatic aspect or the success. Because success does in-fact happen for people too. Sure both may have seem over the top, but I also never felt this way. It was if the book was written to have two extremes on the spectrum, and show that even a beautiful life that is so big and grand full of everything anyone could want, received and deserved, not given, cannot heal such trauma from one’s life, making only but a little life.

This is a novel that requires patience, commitment, and perseverance. Not just because of its length (720 pages), but, because it doesn't exactly grab you swiftly. It took me almost 300 pages to feel installed in the story, rather than just a visitor hovering outside the narrative. Yanagihara is long-winded, although not generally dull, yet she also, in my opinion, only fully realized one character, Jude St. Francis, the successful but troubled Ivy League-educated lawyer with a tragic, troubled past. The mostly interior story is ostensibly about these four friends who meet in their teens, and their ongoing friendship for over thirty years. But, really, it is a profile of Jude (with some shared traits of the Obscure one). Jude was ritually abused as an orphan, although the author is quite circumspect about the details, which take 2/3 of the novel to completely fill in (and even then, there's always more). However, even before I was enervated by the laboriously slow reveal, the reader "gets it,"--this isn't exactly new stuff for our topical times, but it always dismays us to hear about disturbed, violent people who abuse children. By the time she filled in the shocking details, I was astonished, yes, but also a bit weary. There's also a lot of repetition of Jude's adult coping behaviors (in ways, almost as horrifying as the abuse)-- but necessary, I suppose, to really be intimate with his ongoing struggles, to demonstrate the limitless loneliness and pain one suffers when life is clouded by shame. But, I admit to some impatience, too. I was straining to believe that everyone was ALWAYS therapeutic with Jude. He was glum and intractable, refusing to talk about his past (with a few people, he revealed bits and pieces)--but, as I said, their ability to be so 110% willing and available for Jude was really too good to be true. Rarely, they lost patience-- carefully manipulated by the author to usually further the story along (and Jude). Jude's three friends, ones he has known since college--Willem, the successful actor, Malcolm, the successful architect, and JB, the successful artist (actually, all the characters in this book are so highly successful as to be almost untouchable, no pun intended), start out as developing characters, and then slip into either straw men and/or saints. Then there is Andy, the virtuous and always available surgeon, and Harold, the law professor with the patience of Job. All these men (with one seeming exception--JB, who makes a few mistakes) are so thoroughly, unerringly, and impossibly pledged to Jude that it eventually strikes a false note. All of these very busy people--world travelers--seem to have drop-everything time and an almost pious forbearance for Jude, the enigmatic one who refuses to reveal his past and his harrowing abuses. There were virtually no female characters--well, Harold's wife, Julia, and Malcolm's, wife, but they were nothing but generic passers-by, even if (like Julia) they played an important role. They were all tools for the character of Jude. If I were to name a second, well-developed character, it would be the setting. No matter how many books are set in New York City, there are as many ways and more to bring it alive. Yanagihara has a sharp eye for living spaces, architecture, color, and art, and in this way, she gave New York its singular charisma. I would also assert that having an architect and an artist as two of Jude's friends allowed her to buttress the book with her eye for these details, which I enjoyed greatly. JB's installations (of course, mostly about Jude or himself, and conveniently about the other friends for later absorption) added shade to the story, but, again, it seemed that everything was for Jude's character. This is a mostly interior novel, which is why I demand either faceted characters or compelling ideas. The author flirts with ideas through the art world but there's nothing inherently philosophical about the novel. Moreover, the author gave all the other characters, except for Jude, short shrift. Willem actually starts out engaging. His childhood was also tragic, but for different reasons. Yet, too soon, Willem turns into a big movie star and his character a cursory device for Jude. Willem is the most saintly of all the characters, an actor who is never self-absorbed, who isn't even aware of his fame when he walks into a room. He's portrayed as way too humble to be organic. Most of the men in this novel made me think of those Seurat paintings, where the people whose faces we never see too well are diminished or faded into the background. Is that what the author intended? I don't think so, because in her debut book, The People in the Trees , she had several well-realized characters. Moreover, in 700+ pages, she includes Jude's friends frequently, but the more they are present, the more absence I felt of their true natures. She also covered the topic of child abuse in both novels, but, in TREES, it's for the reader to ascertain, over the course of the suspenseful story, whether the narrator is reliable or not, and if the child abuse really did take place. In A LITTLE LIFE, we know it took place, and we follow the abused child mostly as an adult. Just a side note: Yanagihara tends to pair abuse with a life of privilege. In The People in the Trees , the alleged abuser is a scholar/scientist. In this second book, the victim of abuse grows to be in the elite 1%. I would like to see her take it down a notch--show how many abused children are stuck in the system or live in the real world as a worker bee, not touched by highbrow living, and too impaired to put together a successful life. Jude, however, is an accomplished pianist with a beautiful voice, is well-read, a superior cook, and is what I would identify as that rare contemporary Renaissance man--but he works as a corporate lawyer 80-100 hours/week, where his troubles seem to melt away on the job. Regardless of the flaws, I stuck with the novel; Jude was so captivating, even in his reticence, that I wanted to see it through. I think Yanagihara could have shaved off a few hundred pages without hurting the narrative, especially as she didn't seem intent on filling out the characters beyond a certain point. At the beginning, there was evidence that there would be nuance regarding race and sexual orientation. A few comments were made at the start, coyly referring to the fact that only Willem is white. Jude was "undetermined," a mix of backgrounds, and Malcolm and JB were black. So why a white man on the cover of the book? Is that supposed to be Willem? That seems disingenuous to me, as the main character, Jude, is not Caucasion. That was just one of the several manipulations that seemed inorganic. Also, there seemed to be little or no controversy about gay issues. Some of the characters were gay or bi-, but they didn't seem to go through any hardships, past or present, with their sexual orientation. It was so smooth that it was glossed over. Parents--proud and accepting, peers--proud and accepting, colleagues--proud and accepting. Nothing in these men's lives stirred any controversy or hardship (unless it has to do with their relationship with Jude)--just success. Even JB's problems were disposed of quickly. But, I suppose if you are in the 1%, being black and gay buys you a ticket from discrimination? These men had a paved avenue, so much more than my black and/or gay friends ever did. However, her prose was always strong, solid, subtle: "...he imagined Jude as a magician whose sole trick was concealment, but every year, he got better and better at it, so that now he only had to bring one wing of the silken cape he wore before his eyes and he would become instantly invisible, even to those who knew him best." 3.5 stars

I picked up my copy of A Little Life years ago, intent on reading it. As it neared the top of my TBR list, an already massive (and ever-growing) chorus of readers began labeling it: The Saddest Book Ever Written. “Sad” is a bit diffuse. Weak, even. People get sad when the holidays end and the monotony of life resumes. They complain of sadness on rainy days spent inside. The death of a goldfish is sad. Missing a friend who’s moved away is sad. The end of a good book is sad. Even Mondays evoke sadness in some. It’s a flimsy descriptor, and one worlds away from accurately describing the emotion depths of A Little Life. I’ve seen readers refer to this as “trauma porn”. I’m also aware some hated it (though not most). I can’t say why, nor do I much care. The enjoyment of art is subjective, and while I respect that an experience like A Little Life isn’t for everyone, particularly not casual readers, it is objectively and unarguably beautifully written. Hanya Yanagirhara is immensely skilled, both in the art of syntax and the dissection of the human experience. While I understand the knee-jerk reaction, this novel far exceeds the oversimplistic label. Certainly, no one can argue with the assertion that this book is sad. But as a victim of serious trauma, A Little Life proved profoundly touching and deeply important. My childhood severely stunted my emotional development. While having a high level of emotional intelligence, it wasn’t until my forties that I began experiencing the emotions that invariably coincide with trauma like mine. I was numb, utterly and completely. I would retell horrid, tragic accounts without a lick of emotion, or even an awareness of how deranged these experiences sounded to others. I wasn’t aware I should’ve felt something. Hell, anything. Instead, I misread my emotional apathy as good mental health. Even now, I’m still largely numb to the memories, but cracks have formed, and through those the terrible weight of what I’ve endured has begun to show itself. Reading A Little Life might seem counterintuitive for someone like me, but on the contrary, it felt cathartic. Yanagirhara’s intensive exploration of Jude allowed me to feel in ways I never have, putting to words the magnitude of experiences I still can’t fully emotionally process. I’m not healed. I don’t believe trauma survivors ever heal entirely. If they’re lucky, they develop healthier relationships with their pain. But this book put deep trauma on display, splayed open its belly, exposed every nerve, and waded through its far-reaching ramifications with painstaking accuracy and honesty. I borrowed from Jude’s insights, and in doing so learned a bit about myself. This book is doing far more for readers than just making them “sad”. As for the story itself, this book is brutal. It’s not something to flippantly open because BookTok recommended it, nor is it a mountain you climb without intention. But the characters are stunning and genuine. The love shared between them is earnest and healing. And it’s as much about love and acceptance as it is about pain. Moreso, in fact. A stunning piece of literature. And hands down, one of the best books I’ve ever read. If not THE best.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨ (4.5 stars) A Little Life is one of those books that settles deep into your bones and refuses to leave. Jude’s story is heartbreak in its purest form—tragic, heavy, and painfully raw. His pain unfolds in layers, and even when you think it can’t get worse, it somehow does. This book truly hurt to read at times, but in a way that felt meaningful rather than gratuitous. Willem, though—what an absolute gift of a character. He is kindness personified, the kind of person everyone deserves in their life. His love, loyalty, and gentleness feel like a safe place, not just for Jude but for the reader as well. He’s the reminder that even in the darkest moments, there can still be goodness. This story once again drove home the idea that family isn’t always the one you’re born into, but the one you build. The friendships and chosen family in this book are what make the heartbreak survivable and the story so powerful. I knocked off half a star only because the beginning was genuinely hard to get through. The start was slow, and the point of view shifts were confusing at first since it didn’t immediately clarify whose perspective you were in. I also usually hate flashbacks—but surprisingly, I loved how they were done here. They were woven in so thoughtfully, giving you glimpses of the past without fully revealing everything. Those little “six years ago” blanks keep you moving forward, curious and uneasy, and add so much emotional depth to the story. Devastating, beautiful, and unforgettable—this book is an emotional commitment, but one that stays with you long after the final page.

"There seemed to be an inevitability to this, to his life: that every year he would become worse - more disgusting, more depraved. Every year, his right to humanness diminished, every year, he became less and less of a person." - Oh Judy I hate that you felt this way, my heart still aches for you. You were so MUCH MORE than what was done to you. You were such a bright light in so many people's lives, I only wish you could've seen what you meant to them all. If only you could've seen yourself the way they all saw you. My heart is utterly shattered, my soul is gutted and my mind is blown. I have never read a book like this and don't think I will ever encounter such a beautifully tragic book again. This book is hard to get through, not because it isn't extremely well written (because it most definitely is) but because it deals with such hard topics from beginning to end. I will never forget Jude, Willem, Malcom or JB. Their unconditional love for one another (even during their fallouts) was magical. These four men will live rent free in my mind and will forever have a corner of my heart along with a piece of my soul. Harold, Julia, Richard, Lucien and Andy will all reside in my heart for the rest of time as well. All of these characters were heroes. They never gave up on Jude and they never for one second let him forget that he was loved, that he was cherished. Even in those moments where he couldn't believe it, they were there. They never wavered, if only all of us could be lucky enough to have a Willem, Malcom and JB in our lives, a Harold, Julia, Richard, Lucien and Andy in our lives. I don't think I've ever cried so much while reading a book and going into this book blind probably wasn't the brightest idea but I am glad that I didn't look up any of the trigger warnings (although in hindsight I probably should've) because it allowed me to dive head first into Jude's world. I felt everything so strongly and will never forget this story. It has etched itself onto me and will always be part of me. I can't imagine I'll ever be able to let go of any of these characters. As I sit here with tears still streaking my cheeks I can't help but hope that somewhere out there Jude and Willem and Malcom and JB are somehow reunited. That the four of them can continue to be a unit forming new memories and loving each other unconditionally for who they are. At least in my head that's how I will always remember them, laughing and loving. Brother Luke, Dr. Traylor and Caleb were despicable. So were all the other men who had a hand in harming Jude. I hated them with every fiber of my being. They were cowards and don't deserve to be called men. They are trash. Nothing more. I wanted to throw the book across the room every time pieces of his past were revealed instead I screamed at these horrible men again and again until I got it out of my system enough to be able to continue on. Jude deserved so much better than what these cowards did to him. My only source of peace is that his friends loved him far beyond what he ever knew, what he ever thought possible even when he was at his lowest and that even though he never accepted that they were there to stay forever they stood by him until the very end. My heart grew three sizes throughout his journey. It also broke into a billion pieces throughout his journey. "Willem, I think I turned out pretty normal, all things considered, don't you?" "No, I think you turned out extraordinary, all things considered or not." ^ I agree completely with you Willem. Jude St. Francis you were an extraordinary man who accomplished great things. You were an amazing lawyer and man. You were a wonderful friend and son. You loved so deeply. If I could give this book an infinite amount of stars I would. Lastly, I'd like to add a thank you to the author. Hanya Yanagihara, thank you for writing Jude's story. Thank you for doing it with grace and respect. Thank you for writing a story that has impacted me so greatly. And finally, thank you for sharing your talent with the world. You are an incredibly talented writer and I am glad I came across your work.

While there was much I liked about this novel, there was also much I disliked. As many reviewers have said, it could have easily been at least 200 pages shorter without losing any impact. SPOILERS AHEAD What I liked: The first quarter of the book, which detailed their early adulthood. The descriptions of what it feels like to be suicidal, even though you want for nothing, were valuable. The insights into such depressive thinking, and how childhood abuse can color a person's entire future, were well-written and definitely made me ponder these issues in new ways. I enjoyed reading about adult characters who feel complete without having children, and for whom friends become family. I found this to be refreshing. The writing style appeals to me. I really liked Ms. Yanagihara's first book, The People in The Trees, and will no doubt buy her next as well, regardless of how I felt about A Little Life. What I disliked: I read the book over a short period of time (a few days), but if I hadn't done so, I would never have been able to keep all the characters straight. There were many who added almost nothing to the story. Remembering whether Phillipa was someone from their college dorm versus a past girlfriend, etc., would have been impossible if I'd read this over the course of a month. Having most character names be unusual did help a bit. The book is presented in the media (and in blurbs) as if it were going to be the story of 4 men. It's not. It's the story of Jude, and sort-of the story of Willem. I don't know if Ms. Yanagihara originally intended to feature JB and Malcolm more but realized the book would be 1500 pages if she did, or whether the blurbs are intentionally misleading. I suppose if the blurbs and media soundbites were truthful about the sexual abuse aspect, the book might not sell. So maybe this is the fault of the publisher's marketing department. Either way, until I was 3/4 of the way done, I kept waiting for the story to switch over to JB or Malcolm and of course it never did. The fact that all the characters were so unbelievably successful seemed absurd. And while I understood Jude's financial motivation for going to work at a large law firm with brutal hours, by the age of 45 he would have had all the money he'd ever need. It seemed that if he were such a wonderful, giving, loving person, that he would have moved on to working for non-profits or some such (or gone back to the US Attorney's office). And while near the end of the novel it's mentioned that he still does the art pro-bono work, that seems contradicted by all the earlier passages about how he works at the firm around 20 hours a day. I found it increasingly hard to understand why Jude's closest friends/family liked him so much - enough to go to such extreme lengths to try to help him. Is anyone truly this saint-like? And WHY did they adore him so? It felt like there was too much 'telling' and not enough 'showing.' I kept wishing for more dialogue, for more scenes that brought me into the room, into the action. Instead, I felt like I was observing from a remove. Perhaps this was the author's intention - but it made for a less-immersive reading experience. I'm sure this next criticism is peevish on my part, but it bugged me that the college they attended was not named. How hard is it to say "Harvard" or "Williams" or just make up a fictional school? The fact that it went unnamed felt like an affectation. Perhaps Ms. Yanagihara was trying to convey universality - to show that no matter where you go, you bond with roommates? The fact that the action is not anchored in time was another problem for me. Mainly because it seemed insane that a beautiful abandoned infant would have no takers. ("Healthy white baby, 5 years?! What else you got?" - Raising Arizona) Maybe during the depression, or the 1800's, I could believe that an infant would just be given to a monastery - but not any time from the 1960's on. Ditto for the boys' home Jude later goes to - it's much more likely, no matter where he was, that he'd enter the foster care system. I really wanted to love this book - and I feel like it could've been something I loved. I get the sense from others' reviews that I'm not the only one. I'm conflicted about recommending it to my friends.

This review was meant to be an email to Hanya but emails are apparently hard to come across these days. I have just finished this book and now understand why it had taken 18 months to compile. Hanya was not just writing a book about abuse and trauma; she was writing about life itself. She managed to rip life from life and slap it into a book, which is a pretty amazing feat. This story was raw, fleshy and unforgettable. I think what made it so special was how Hanya put forth the effort to make character development a key part of the story. Willem, Jude, JB, Malcolm, Julia, Harold, everyone was three dimensional and real. It wasn't even like I was reading this story, I was submerged in it. This book wasn't easy and i can say that my heart melted, my hands shook and I had to close the book in anger more times than I can count. But that's what made it so hauntingly beautiful. It had such a strong effect on me that through the blurry eyes and runny nose I had to keep pushing forth in hopes of reaching some conclusion. I was pained not because of what I was reading, but by what I was feeling. When Jude suffered, I suffered. When Jude reflected on different parts of his past, I pleaded with him to not think so harshly of himself. And when Willem died I crumbled and cried with Jude. And when Jude finally die I missed a friend. This book is figuratively the first book I have ever read. Sure I have read the classics and highly acclaimed novels but this book has been a game changer. It's poignant and tragic and beautiful and unlike any book out there. When I look back, I'm filled with sad nostalgia because I know I will not feel this strongly about a book for a long time. I never pictured any of the characters dying the way they did. But this book was not about ending perfectly or even near perfect. This book was life. An example of how life never works out the way it should, about how people are dealt hands they don't deserve and about how loving and caring for someone isn't always enough. When Willem died I saw the snow globes that captured scenes from Willem and Jude's life shake and shatter. It was always just the two of them for decades. They had gone through hardships and struggles and Willem dying was truly the beginning of the end for Jude. And I knew that but chose not to believe it just like Harold knew and Andy and everyone who loved Jude that as much as they wanted to ignore it, Jude would never be fixed. In conclusion to this story, that is going to put me in a depression for weeks to come, I have learned a few things. Sexual abuse and violence often come hand and hand and those who suffer through it are those who deserve it the least. I learned that life purposely puts specific people in certain places at exact times so that they will meet and change the course of each others lives forever. And I have learned that we all know a Jude. In one way or another we all have a Jude who doesn't want to be helped, fixed, loved, touched or pitied. This boy, this Murphy's law, was beautiful. Even though he couldn't see it or believe it we all saw it. And we all see the Jude's around us as beautiful, beautiful people. It's tragic that Jude was the only one unable to realize his worth. His little life, impacted everyone around him. He was their sun. That's what I believe and will continue to believe as this story is dissected and devoured by readers across the world. A Little Life deserves recognition for its beauty and enigma that everyone has to read in order to solve.

First things first, I think this is the best written book I've ever read (maybe that doesn't say a lot because I mostly read YA romances or thrillers - but still, the writting on this book is amazing and anyone can attest to that). Second, oh where to begin... I can see why people either hate or love this book. In life, you encounter people with different approaches to life - some may choose to look at the positive side of things, others get a little stuck on the negatives - with this book is no different. Yes, there's a sequence of tragedies and inimaginable horrors and you can get stuck on that, but, like myself, you can extract SO MANY great things from this book, I chose to look at it as story about love (and not necessarily romantic love). The author managed to put into words thoughts that I had throughout my life about relationship, friendship, adulthood, parenthood, death and, as a lawyer, even the law. All the characters are well built, even if you don't go too deep in their past, there's background enough to understand why they are the way they are, why they struggle with what they struggle. I went in prepared to cry, but by the last page I was sobbing so hard I felt like I was going to throw up. Since then I carry the characters close to my heart and think about them every single day. I'm grateful for the opportunity to know their story. Jude, you will stick with me forever.

Daha okumadım Umuyorum ki güzel bir kitaptır☺️✌🏻

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Jude, Willem, Malcom und JB sind seit dem College die besten Freunde. Die vier sind unzertrennlich, scheint es. Doch als sie älter werden, wird ihre Freundschaft oftmals auf die Probe gestellt. Jahr für Jahr vergeht, Partner und Jobs kommen und gehen, man streitet sich, verträgt sich. Jude wird Anwalt, Malcom Architekt, JB Künstler, Willem Schauspieler. A Little Life begleitet die Männer über rund 30 Jahre hinweg. Im Zentrum des Romans steht ihre Freundschaft, besonders die von Jude und Willem, aber auch ihre Probleme, und vor allem Judes geheimnisvolle, dunkle Vergangenheit. „Who are you?“ „I’m Willem Ragnarsson,“ he says. „And I will never let you go.“ Hanya Yanagiharas Roman (ihr zweiter, nach The People in the Trees) A Little Life ist schwierig zusammenzufassen, ohne zu viel vorwegzunehmen. Es ist das Porträt einer Freundschaft, das Porträt bedingungsloser Liebe, gleichzeitig ist es die Skizze eines unglaublich tragischen Lebens. Ein schönes Buch, wunderschön in einigen Momenten, aber auch schockierend und emotional sehr anstrengend. Wir lernen die vier Freunde kennen und begleiten sie durch ihr Leben, Jude und Willem irgendwann intensiver und detaillierter, Malcom und JB anfangs und zwischendurch länger, dann rückt die Geschichte von Willem und Jude in den Vordergrund. Hier hätte ich mir ein wenig gewünscht, Unnötiges zu kürzen und stattdessen mehr von den anderen beiden Freunden zu lesen, auch wenn es ja zentral um Jude und seine Vergangenheit geht, die eben auch noch die Gegenwart extrem beeinflusst. "He was tired, he was so tired. It was taking so much energy to hold the beasts off. He sometimes had an image of himself surrendering to them, and they would cover him with their claws and beaks and talons and peck and pinch and pluck away at him until he was nothing, and he would let them." Die Charaktere des Romans sind meiner Meinung nach exzellent gestaltet. Sie sind trotz all ihrer Fehler – und davon haben sie wirklich einige – wahnsinnig liebenswürdig. Besonders Jude, Willem, Harold und Andy sind totale Sympathieträger. Darum ist es sehr berührend und erschütternd, wenn in Rückblenden aus Judes Kindheit und Jugend berichtet wird. Auch die Art, wie er seine Vergangenheit bewältigt oder besser gesagt: nicht bewältigt, und wie seine Freunde davon beeinflusst werden, ist ergreifend geschildert. Mich haben viele Ereignisse sehr mitgenommen; ich hatte oft Tränen in den Augen und musste erst mal pausieren und das bisher Gelesene etwas sacken lassen. Ich fand es herzerwärmend, wie sehr Willem und Harold Jude lieben. Selten (oder sogar nie?) habe ich mich so emotional mit fiktiven Charakteren verbunden gefühlt. Leider bin ich nicht sicher, ob Yanagihara sich nicht ein wenig hätte zügeln sollen. All das Leid, welches Jude widerfährt, ließ mich irgendwann emotional leicht abstumpfen. Ich war zwar immer noch schockiert, aber so berühren wie anfangs konnte es mich auf den letzten 200 Seiten nicht mehr. Eine Ausnahme bietet da allerdings das Ende. "Things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realize that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully." Das Ende des Kapitels „The Happy Years“ – welche trotz krasser Rückblenden ausnahmsweise wirklich glücklich waren, zumindest vergleichsweise – hat mich doch sehr überrascht. Ich bin nicht sicher, ob dieser Hergang wirklich notwendig war, oder einfach zu viel des Guten (bzw. Schlechten). Glücklicherweise konnte mich das Ende des Romans dann doch zufriedenstellen, es war traurig, aber eigentlich genau das, was ich mir gewünscht hatte. Doch das Buch ist lange nicht beendet, wenn die letzte Seite gelesen ist. Es lässt einen mit so vielen Gefühlen und Gedanken zurück: über die Charaktere, was ihnen passiert ist, über Freundschaft, Liebe, Verantwortung, das Leben an sich. "He knew what the houses meant to Malcom: they were an assertion of control, a reminder for all the uncertainties of his life, there was one thing that he could manipulate perfectly, that would always express what he was unable to in words. He was worried because to be alive was to worry. Life was scary; it was unknowable." A Little Life zeigt uns, dass das Leben kein Zuckerschlecken ist. Es ist tragisch, immer, ausnahmslos, und man kann nichts dagegen tun. Es ist nicht leicht und es wird uns enttäuschen, aber wenn wir Glück haben, werden wir einen Weg finden, auch mit den schrecklichen Dingen zurecht zu kommen. Es macht Hoffnung, denn zwischen all dem Leid gibt es diese schönen Momente, diese tiefe Freundschaft und die unbegreifliche Liebe. Wichtige Themen werden angesprochen: Gewalt und Misshandlung, Selbsthass, Depressionen. Wo endet Freundschaft und wo beginnt Verantwortung? Wie helfen wir Menschen, die wir lieben, die aber keine Hilfe annehmen wollen? Ist es besser, ein Leben voller Illusionen zu führen, als sich der komplizierten, unerträglichen Wirklichkeit zu stellen? Hanya Yanagiharas Roman A Little Life ist anstrengend. 700 Seiten voller Leid, Qual und Trauer nehmen einen emotional ziemlich mit. Es ist berührend und an vielen Stellen überwältigt einen die Liebe, die Menschen empfinden können. Ich hätte mir ein bisschen mehr Einsicht in das Leben von Malcom und JB gewünscht. Außerdem war ich an ein oder zwei Stellen kurz davor, das Buch zu überdramatisch, zu überladen zu finden – es hat sich wirklich an der Grenze bewegt. Dennoch ist es ein wunderschöner Roman, welcher mir noch lange in Erinnerung bleiben wird, allein schon, weil ich noch so vieles zu überdenken und verarbeiten habe. Der Roman wird im Frühjahr 2017 beim Hanser Verlag erscheinen. Wer recht gute Englischkenntnisse besitzt und nicht mehr länger abwarten kann, kann sich aber auch an das Original heranwagen, besonders kompliziert ist es nicht.