GOODBYE SWEET GIRL Paperback – May 22, 2019

My review is on the book by Kelly Sundberg, Goodbye, Sweet Girl. Sundberg has a Master of Fine Arts degree and a Ph.D. in Creative Writing. She writes a powerfully compelling story of life with her abusive spouse and the childhood climate that fostered in her the seeds for this abusive relationship to flourish. Sundberg’s hyper-critical mother and dismissive father, the childhood abuse she suffered, and her desperation to feel as though she mattered to someone all contributed to the creation of a person easily manipulated by her desire to please others.Although Sundberg is a domestic violence survivor, she is a fighter. Despite the brutal violence she experienced at the hands of her husband, there were times her own frustration and anger come to play in their interactions. He does brutally beat her down and continually diminishes her as a person, but their dynamic is not one of Intimate Terrorism (IT). Her husband, Caleb (his real name), did not seek to control all aspects of her life or isolate her from her friends and family. The Situational Couple Violence (SCV) Caleb perpetuated on her seemed to stem from his own insecurities, anger, and perceived shortcomings.Sundberg tells the story of how she fell in love with her husband whom she describes as sensitive, generous, and intelligent. She shares their times of laughter and their loyalty to one another. She reveals how her own feelings for him became the snare that prevented her from leaving him. She loved him and believed she could help him change. You travel with her through the relationship as Caleb first begins to yell and intimidate, then throw things, and eventually resorts to physical violence against her. You witness her deterioration as a person. He demoralizes her to the point that she believes his horrid descriptions of her and apologizes to him when he beats her.When Sundberg begins to get her life back and celebrates her hard-won personal victories, the reader cannot help but cheer for her. Sundberg reveals with frankness her struggle with leaving Caleb and even wanting him back at times. At one point, she describes Caleb as the “ghost in my bones.” I took this to mean that the damage he inflicted upon her was so deep, that it had become a part of even her most fundamental self. There are moments the reader can still feel her anger at Caleb, but there is also the sense that she is going to do the work necessary to exercise his ghost from her life once and for all.This is a story of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), but it is also a story of one woman’s fight to not let her abuser’s violence define the rest of her life. It is Kelly Sundberg’s story of overcoming unmentionable horror to create a life on her own terms. I recommend this book for all seeking insight into IPV relationships

This story took me a little bit to get into because it jumps around Kelly's life so much, but after finishing I am in awe at how abuse can look different and how strong she is. I loved this book.

This book is about Kelly Sundberg's very specific experience, and it is so much more. Like Kelly, I grew up in a town of around 3,000 people in Idaho, a place where everyone around me displayed that women existed to serve their men, that the highest achievement is (for god's sake!) not rocking the boat, and that the mistakes of men happen only because the women were too [stupid, lazy, ugly, fat, clueless, ignorant, pigheaded - take your pick] to have prevented it from happening. I, too, found myself in an abusive first marriage, confused about why the rules about relationships I'd learned weren't working.I read this whole book in an afternoon. The experience of turning the pages was, to me, like meeting a new friend who gets you in a way no one else ever has.Some people here have posted very short-sighted reviews - people who were seemingly looking for some kind of rock 'em, sock 'em narrative, reviews that claim the dives Sundberg takes back into childhood and early adulthood are, in some way, departures from the story at hand. I couldn't disagree more. Kelly tells the story not as someone reacting to a bad situation, or as someone with an axe to grind, but rather as someone who is thoughtful and has done the work to understand all of the contributing factors that can lead someone to stay and stand at the ready for more, and more, and more of something painful. To those reviewers, I say, get your voyeuristic hard-on elsewhere. (Or, you know, don't.)There are many vivid and emotional scenes in Goodbye, Sweet Girl, but the one I can't get out of my mind is one in which Cory, a friend of Sundberg's then-boyfriend, throws an empty can at her feet in her home. When she reminds him it doesn't belong there, and that he should pick it up, he licks his fork and throws it at her feet. "Isn't that your job?" he says. And no one else says or does anything. If I had 300 extra hands and feet, I could not count on them the number of times this kind of bullshit occurred in my experience growing up in the epicenter of patriarchy. It's hard to explain to others who grew up in more balanced areas that these things exist; it is a kind of fiery salve to read it so plainly in these pages. It is a delight to see Sundberg ultimately find footing on the high road (in what appears to be astonishing fairness and compassion) and to find the strength to reject what doesn't serve her and her child.Toward the end, Kelly uses a wolf metaphor, saying that - at one time - she would have run, but that now, she's staring the wolves down. That writing is her way of doing so. She's breaking the cardinal rule of good girls in Idaho by saying, "Hey, this isn't okay, and we need to talk about it," and, for that, I want to say, Finally. Thank you. I am with you, and I hear you. Bravo.

I had read Kelly Sundberg's beautiful essay, "It Will Look Like a Sunset," a few times before and couldn't wait to see what she did with a book. Sadly, overall, I was disappointed.I want to make it clear that my disappointment does not stem from the message of this book. I am so, so happy that Kelly finally escaped the domestic abuse she endured for years, for her sake and especially her son's. Strength and survival are important themes for me in my own creative writing and ones that I am drawn to in others. Hence, my loving Kelly's essay so much.But because of the popularity of that essay, I guess someone got the idea that, "Hey, you should write a book about that." The problem with that idea is that some essays are just meant to be essays. That, in fact, they are more powerful because of their brevity. "Goodbye, Sweet Girl" is a perfect example of that. There are just so many times you can say, I stayed because my body fit perfectly with his, before you lose your readers. And really, there is chapter after chapter of that in this book. Again, that is not a judgment call. Who among us has not repeatedly made the same mistake for reasons that make no sense whatsoever to anyone but us? The difference is most of us don't write a book about it."Goodbye, Sweet Girl" is not a bad book, but it is a book that I strongly feel should have just stayed a gorgeous essay. Write more essays, Kelly. I will likely be a fan!

An incredible story of strength and courage. I finished the whole thing in less than a day. Highly recommend this book.

I didn’t really get immersed in this story. It just wasn’t what I expected. The shipping condition was excellent.

A very well written memoir about one woman's strength and survival after domestic abuse. Written so beautifully I almost felt guilty for giving it five stars. I hope the author writes fiction and uses her ability to present words in such an orchestrated and talented way for a wider readership.