AARP The Other Talk: A Guide to Talking with Your Adult Children about the Rest of Your Life: A Guide to Talking with Your Adult Children about the Rest of Your Life

This is an exceptional book that brings to the forefront the importance of open conversation. I am CHOOSING to talk openly and honestly with my parents, conversations that make me sad, it’s okay, I’ll survive the sad feelings, feel them and continue to move forward so that I can be informed on their wishes. Although I don’t agree with some of their choices, I am aware of them and willing to be respectful of them so they can be in charge of their lives just as I will want to be. It’s a wonderful book that has given me guidance to not just figure out where the safety deposit key is but so much more that I need to know. The book opens a door to what feels like a secret society. I am grateful for it, hard as it may be.

Most books tell you how to plan for retirement or how to organize your financial life for your death. This one makes you think about the time between retirement & dying, which might be quite long and complicated. I recommend this for you and your parents, or your adult children. I've seen nothing quite like this, and it has good ideas.The only thing it leaves out is a discussion of how to plan for both spouses. It's great to plan for your last years, but how does the spouse left behind plan (bankrupcy if the first one to go into assisted care used up all the financial resources?) This question would make a good chapter in a the next edition.

We bought this before a trip to my son and his family. It certainly give excellent information for talking with your children about what you expect in our late years. It is practical and has excellent suggestions. And, encourages you to have that other talk.

IMPERATIVE READING for all of us who continue to sleep-walk into our life's horizon years. No social, cultural or historical template exists to know how to walk this time of our lives--there's never been a human need given that life expectancy for all of human history was no greater than 65 up until just a few decades ago. So we do what our parents did--wait for the inevitable crisis to hit in the new human phenomenon of chronic frailty, and by unconscious default, let our kids or other loved ones pick up the pieces. We must now seize our own life planning given the exponential swelling of elder ranks (10,000/day of us Baby Boomers) and already strained-to-the-max public safety-net programs. This is now our CONSCIOUS DECISION - take your life-care planning into your own hands, or knowingly dump in into the hands of your kids (if you are lucky to have kids, and caring kids at that) or other powers (e.g. public guardians, nursing homes and hospitals). The time has come to plan for what we will do when we can no longer driver, or live independently, or handle our own affairs. This takes far more than mere legal planning. Required is for each of us to study available resources, talk with our families, and make these hard decisions BEFORE CRISIS. Otherwise, you get what you paid for--if you paid nothing (in time) to plan, you get what you get.

I remember everyone being uncomfortable when my parents were ready to downsize and asked which things my brother and I wanted. Now I am the one who is downsizing and want to make it more comfortable for my children. Later on, there were a lot of questions I didn't ask my parents until they were too ill to answer them. Again, that is something I would like to do differently. Prosch's book isn't great literature, but it is clear and full of helpful suggestions. I bought one copy, read it, and bought copies for my children. Why? I thought my kids might be more comfortable talking with me about my aging and demise if they were forewarned. I also bought a copy for my brother. He's close to my age and also has children.

The other talk: I liked the first few pages. It started getting boring because it kept powering out example after example while my whole purpose was to find out what to do and how. Finally more than halfway through it started to give advice. Then a short time later it just went on to give a list of links to where to fond more online information and forms. If first chapters had been more brief, I would have saved a lot of time that would have allowed me to get to work sooner. I would probably recommend this book to younger people so they have a better idea of what growing older is like.

I GIVE COPIES OF THIS BOOK TO FRIENDS & RECOMMEND THEY DO THE SAME: Father died of lung cancer in one short summer, cared for & dying at his home. Father's death was stunningly quick. But a blessing. Mother died of lung cancer after having Alzheimer's several years, cared for in multiple states in her 2 daughters' homes, hospitals, nursing home, & hospice. Mother's was a lengthy death with horrible mental confusion (a hard-on-her, harder-on-her daughters situation that she struggled against). If we'd had this book after Father died, we'd have known the important legal work we needed to have in place to handle taking over Mother's assets to use for her care if/when/WHEN she became incapacitated. Any angst that can be saved in these heartbreaking situations NEEDS to be saved. Read this book & don't get bogged down in how very very thorough the author was with his own adult children. The last third or so is a resource guide.

It is written in a clear, easy-to-understand style, about a topic most of us don't care to think about. It stresses the importance of pre-planning many aspects of aging, what needs to be done to lighten the responsibilities for others, and ensure that our last years of our lives are experienced in dignity and according to our personal wishes. I wish that I had read it years ago.