RB7: Roller Blade Seven Trilogy

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a good movie. If you are looking for a good movie, you have come to the wrong place. This movies does NOT feature Sylvester Stalone or Emilio Estavez; it stars the former's brother, Frank, and the later's uncle, Joe. Of the eponymous "Rollerblade Seven" depicted on the cover only three actually appear in the film. Ahead, there lies only despair for the rational mind. Here there be dragons.Roller Blade Seven is so fantastically bad--so terribly, mindbogglingly weird--that you cannot help but laugh. The progression of absurdity will keep you constantly amused; just when you think this movie has done the weirdest thing it possibly could, it goes and does something even weirder. "Didn't that character die several scenes ago?" you may ask yourself or "Why are ninjas wearing black in the middle of the desert?" or "Why is Joe Estavez doing anything he is doing?"; but these answers becomes irrelevant as mummy playing a banjo skates across the screen. You eventually accept that nothing that is happening has any coherent reason behind it and just accept the absurd happenings as they come. Yet, like all truly enjoyable bad movies, Roller Blade Seven was not intended to be bad.An exercise in "Zen Cinema", in which no script is used, this plot-less meander through Scott Shaw's spiritual... let's say 'vision', presents us with so much thinly-veiled allegory that it would likely be tedious if it were not so hilariously heavy-handed. Despite this, I must conclude that there is a spiritual element to the film: though it is not the one Shaw intended. The audience is left constantly wondering how anyone could have thought anything that happens in this movie was a good idea. By watching, you the viewer are forced to come to terms with the fact that a rational human being created this monstrosity, this abomination unto everything reasonable, and you are left with only one possible response: to laugh.Lord Byron said that "if I laugh at any mortal this, 'Tis that I may not weep". The Rollerblade Seven Trilogy is the epitome of this sentiment.

Weird stuff with a plethora of b-movie names. The movies sit around without going anywhere at times. Worth a watch for fans of odd movies

They don't tell you in the listing for this (probably because it would sell less) but this is just a burned DVD-R. It has not chapters, no subtitles. The entire disc is all three movies in one chapter. The quality is horrible. I realize this movie never looked great but this is just a bad pixelated digital scan. It's not even a full, full screen. There are small black bars at the top and bottom, so it's almost a letterboxed 4:3. Why? Why not just slightly zoom it a little more? And since this is matted so weird you get this little strip of constantly changing colors pixels at the bottom of the video for the entirety of all 3 movies.The movies are great, so bad they are good, but the quality of this particular release is pure garbage. When I find a better version this is going back

Don’t watch, it’s horrible