How to Be Alone: If You Want to, and Even If You Don't

I loved this book so hard. It is beautiful and raw and rings true in a way that made my heart hurt (because some of these feelings are soul level sad) but also sing (because it’s not just me...there is at least one other person who feels like this?!) It’s written as if the best friend you always wished for is talking to you directly in a 3 am heart to heart that has you saying ‘me too!!’ and ‘I thought I was the only person who felt like that’ and ‘I’ve waited so long to hear someone else gets that too!’ while you tear up but then snort-laugh as songs you loved but forgot play quietly in the background.It’s so tender and compassionate and real. It looks at feeling alone, unloved and disconnected, at how to bear the burden of that aching for love and a safe place to be yourself, longing for a community, a tribe, your ‘person’ - SOMEONE - who sees you and gets you and loves your open, unabashed and imperfect human heart.I believe that there are many people who feel this pain; the pain of a family of origin that failed you, of friendships and relationships that broke your heart and of trying to keep hope alive and hold yourself together. Perhaps we could all find each other and become one another’s ‘people’ one day and watch over each other and support one another; to finally be loved as we all deserve to be. Until that dream can be realised, Lane Moore has written a book that makes you feel seen, understood, emotionally stripped bare, yes, but also held and comforted. And if you feel as alone as Lane admits she has and as many of us often do, that kinship and comfort is no small thing.(Also there are fun discussions of a number of killer 90’s movies, Jim from The Office and a might-just-save-your-life guide to getting through the holidays)

This book had me sobbing deeply by the end but in the best way possible. I'm so grateful to have discovered Lne Moore and as someone working in mental health who works closely with people struggling with the pandemic of loneliness, I am so happy to have this piece of art to share with them. I can't wait to see what Ms Moore brings out next. Whatever it is, I know I'll be a lifelong fan.This is not a light self help book. It is a deep, gut wrenching memoir but with so much hope throughout, teaching all of us who feel without family or secure community that we are not alone, and that this is not a destiny despite whatever we have been through to make us feel isolated. There's also excellent explanation of scientifically backed Attachment Theory and how it plays into our adult relationships.I read about 40 books a year, about 60% in the realm of psychology for my work, and this has moved me like no ther in the past few years.

I was recced this book by Captain Awkward, and I'm very glad I got to read parts of it, even if I was unable to finish the entire book. The pain and feeling Lane expresses in this book come across very honestly, and quite brutally. She flips between humour and pain as she writes, occasionally in the same paragraph, and you never know whether you should be laughing or crying. She links her past trauma with her current actions, and explains why her contemporary behaviors stems from it, and for the most part her writing is fairly accessible. She writes as someone with anxiety or depression would write, and I'd very much recommend it to someone looking to understand the reasoning behind how traumatized and depressed/anxious people think and act.That being said, I couldn't finish the book. In some parts Lane, although writing honestly, seems to be documenting her anxiety spirals, and continuously validates and de-validates her feelings in the ramble, and doesn't necessarily separate what is coming from her trauma and what is a good approach to mental illness. For example, in the first three pages Lane uncritically lists the reasons as to Why She Can't Call Anyone In Her Contacts List For Help Ever. My brain, upon reading that, simultaneously began shouting "LANE THAT'S ANXIETY-SLASH-DEPRESSION" while frantically trying to bury my own trauma-induced anxiety, which decided to resurrect itself and yell "HELLO I AM BACK AND I HAVE BEEN V A L I D A T E D." Lane talks about wanting to care for and look after her younger self, but her older self is in need of just as much care and safe spaces. The anxiety spirals were unfortunately what meant I had to stop reading, since they kept triggering my own anxiety - please consider this a content warning.This book doesn't teach you how to handle loneliness. What it is is a painful, raw essay, where Lane reaches out to others who may feel this way, in an attempt to make us all feel less lonely.

This is not a self-help book, as the title may suggest, but it will make you feel less alone.Lane describes her struggles, emotional and non-emotional, in the most easy way to read possible, with a twist of dark humour that will make you not be able to decide between crying or laughing, so you'll end up doing both at the same time (which makes it hard to read, so keep the tissues near by).If you have had abusive or absent parents, and/or felt alone for a big part of/your whole life, this book is for you.But let me warn you: You will fall in love with Lane. You will want to buy a plane ticket (or bus ticket, depending where you currently live) and go to NYC to meet her. Don't worry, this is totally normal. Once reality hits you, you may experience a few days of sadness (WHY is NY so far and WHY can't Lane come to do her shows here in *insert place where you live*), but after that, I promise you, you will discover a warm feeling inside you, and you will want to recommend this book to everyone. Because you want to bring this amazing feeling to every single human being.I still don't know how to be alone, but I definitely don't feel like I am anymore.Seriously, I can't stop reading it, yet I know once I finish, a tiny part of me will have died.

This book does not tell you how to be alone in any way, shape or form so I have no idea why that was the chosen title. It is a memoir, definitely not self help. However, it was a very nice, comforting and easy read. Lane is very relatable and you feel less alone by reading the book.

Only 16 pages in and i can tell it's going to be good

This book really helped me be kinder to myself, people with no family support are often misunderstood and loneliness is our only certainty, i can only thank Lane for sharing her experience and made me feel less alone in this world.

Es un muy buen libro, llevado con un excelente humor, verdades claras, secas, y directas. Me he reído con este libro, he llorado, he conocido aspectos de mí misma desde un ángulo diferente, y conocer las experiencias de otras personas siempre es interesante, porque siempre es más fácil entender al otro que a uno mismo.No es un libro de autoayuda, es un libro que sentirás cómo ese amigo muy sincero que ha pasado por muchas cosas similares a las tuyas, que poco a poco lo vas conociendo, entendiendo por qué es cómo es y de vez en cuando te dice: Hey, pero no seas tan duro contigo mismo.10/10 el contenido, me encantó, es excelente también para practicar inglés, es muy fácil de leer y de entender para principiantes.9/10 la versión del libro pasta blanda no la recomiendo porque ya se me rompió y despegó el lomo de las hojas, entonces por este lado no nice la calidad.

I pre-ordered this book not knowing exactly what it would be about. In it I found a friend. Lane Moore's sense of humor, complete honesty (for better or worse), and ability to shine a mirror into her own brain (and apparently mine) to write exactly what so many are thinking astounded me. It was brilliantly written. She is so funny I was laughing out loud (which is rare for a book) while highlighting parts to read over again. I continuously shared pieces of it on Instagram as I was reading because it hit so close to my heart. THIS THIS THIS is basically all I could manage to exclaim at the time. I finished this week's ago and still feel I don't have the right words to write s fully accurate review to explain how this book made me feel. It is about Lane Moore's life, and though we have certain ways we grew up very differently, there are many that line up so much that I finally felt understood. Her ability to look back and both cry and laugh and certain situations had me doing the same for myself. And she is so relatable. I honestly have not enough and too many words all at once to describe how much I loved this book and how much you will too. So I insist you stop reading this immediately and go get her book and read that at once! I plan to download the audio book as she reads it herself and I hear she SINGS 😍😍 I know this is one of those books that will become tattered and worn and I will re-read over and over and highlight even more sections, probably ending up with the entire book one big underline. This book was a gift to myself in more ways than one. Thank you so much for writing this Lane Moore! And for your amazing self, as I now am an Instagram follower who loves watching all your posts and stories and feels like such a geeky fan. I only wish I lived close enough to come see your Tinder Live! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Lane Moore es una humorista, escritora directora, actriz, cantante, compositora y multi-instrumentalista norteamericana residente en Nueva York. Ha escrito para The Onion, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, GQ, Elle, Esquire y Marie Claire y ganado varios premios por su trabajo. Actualmente contribuye con The New Yorker y The Washington Post, es líder del grupo musical “It was Romance” y destaca notablemente por su aclamado show “Tinder Live”, en el que se conecta en vivo a la aplicación de citas y, siempre desde la improvisación, disecciona los distintos perfiles y “matches” que aparecen.“How to be alone: If You Want To And Even If you Don’t” es su primer libro y esperemos que no el último. Una autobiografía inolvidable que resulta en un homenaje a la aceptación, la humildad, la esperanza, la resiliencia y, en definitiva, a la vida.La gran inteligencia y sensibilidad de Moore quedan patentes ya al principio de su relato, entrando apenas en detalles sobre los malos tratos y negligencia que marcan su infancia, evitando por lo tanto caer en victimismos y dramas, centrándose en el trastorno por estrés post traumático que inevitablemente lleva a cuestas y cómo lo gestiona: con fantasía y, sobre todo, con mucho humor. Y es que “Un gran sentido del humor puede ayudarte a salir de momentos difíciles. Y así mismo, mientras haces reír a los demás mantienes una cierta distancia de protección. Si ríes no tienes que llorar. El humor es una forma de lidiar con la tragedia, con un profundo dolor” (The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, de Ellen Bass y Laura Davis). Ella ilustra a la perfección tal premisa de la psicología, tanto los niveles de ingenio como el silencio en relación a su pasado hablando por sí solos.Desde salir huyendo de su casa siendo tan solo una adolescente con 200$ en el bolsillo, pasando por situaciones inverosímiles y relaciones tortuosas de todo tipo, la autora va pavimentando un camino de éxitos sin ni siquiera pretenderlo, suficientemente ocupada intentando mantener la cabeza a flote y movida más por la ilusión que la ambición, en una madurez forzada que se empeña en echar mano de la ingenuidad propia de la niñez de la que fue privada. Tal cual una guía sobre cómo convertir las adversidades en oportunidades a medida que éstas te golpean, su visión del mundo en el que vivimos y de las relaciones humanas son impagables y el canal a través del cual puede conectar con cualquier lector, independientemente de las vivencias de éste.Con ella aprendemos que hay heridas que probablemente nunca sanarán; sin embargo venir de un lugar oscuro no es en absoluto sinónimo de una vida oscura. Podemos transformar un montón de mi*rda en algo que no está nada mal. Todo es cuestión de risas y empatía.